


Can I Sit Next to You Boy?

by susannah_deanw



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Dyslexia, M/M, collegeAU, tutor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 19:14:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 42,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2703344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/susannah_deanw/pseuds/susannah_deanw
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester is in his senior year of college. What is more surprising, is that he even got so far. He has a learning disability, he's dyslexic. After much help and tutoring, he got into the college of his choice which offered a special needs program too. For 3 years he has the same tutor to help him with his studies but, when his final year comes around he's assigned a new tutor. Dean is skeptical of being assigned a new tutor as he isn't too comfortable with the idea and wonders if he will still manage to make the same rapport with him as the one before him. What unfolds is a series of events between a tutor and a student and their journey during the final year of college.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Meeting

It was his final year at college. Officially a senior. He had no idea how he'd pulled through. You see, Dean Winchester had a learning disability. He was dyslexic. When he was younger, his mother would read to him. His favourite book had been 101 Dalmatians. He couldn't read the words but he knew the story. For him, the pictures told the tale more than the words did. As he got older, he had problems learning things. He was constantly frustrated at not being able to read the words in a book or when he wrote alphabets and numbers wrong. He tried his hardest and his mother helped him. She was patient when Dean would throw a tantrum about getting his math homework wrong or when he couldn't understand something in his textbook no matter how many times he studied it.

 

Sam on the other hand, was the star child. He had no problem learning and Dean envied that about him. The relationship was strained till Sam understood what exactly was wrong with Dean. Once he learned, Sam helped his big brother out with all his studies. Unfortunately because Dean's grades weren't that good, he had slipped a few grades and he and Sam were equals. Sam had taken Dean under his wing when it came to academics. He devised new ways to help him learn. If his older brother couldn't understand something textually, he'd help him visualise it or give him a comparison and Dean would understand it perfectly. As the brothers bonded and became closer than ever, Dean got better. It became easier to learn. He was always obsessed with cars and he loved his Hot Wheels and so, when the time came, John Winchester taught his eldest son about cars. Dean loved every minute of it. He would wait for weekends to learn something new from his dad. One day when John took him to the garage he owned, he instantly started fiddling around and tinkering. The most surprising thing, he fixed a Camaro his first day there. Sure it wasn't that big a job, the brake lines were worn and new ones were needed. But for Dean, it was more than that. He worked and worked and even tuned the car up good. The owner, whose son happened to be Dean's classmate, was surprised when he found out he'd been the one to fix it. He thanked the boy and gave him a special tip. That day when Dean got home, he ran up to Sammy's room to tell him and Sam listened patiently as he told his story. Sam couldn't be happier for him and was glad his big brother was happy.

 

It wasn't easy for him in school. Dean was bullied regularly. They called him "retard", "moron", "idiot" and every day Dean cried. The abuse led to him developing a stutter. If he got called on to answer a question or read something, his nerves would flare up and he would start stuttering. This added to his already torturous school life and his schoolmates made even more fun of him. No matter how many times Mary complained to the principal, it never helped. She was worried that Dean might start getting depressed so she made sure that he was taken care of and got a job at the school. She became the guidance counsellor there which made it easier for her to take care of him when Sam couldn't be there.

 

What was most frustrating was that Dean only had a learning disorder, he could still do things normal kids did and at times, he did it better than them. But everyone treated him like he had a disease and he was handicapped so he became a loner. He buried himself in fixing cars and schoolwork. When he finally graduated, the principal gave Dean a special mention. He'd mostly gotten A's and one A- and a B+. His grades were the highest they'd ever been and the entire Winchester family had cried when he got his diploma.

 

This wasn't even the best news. Two days before his graduation, he'd gotten his acceptance letter to college and what made his day even better had been the scholarship he'd gotten. He had burst into tears because he couldn't believe it.

 

He'd left for Colorado in August and everyone, including Uncle Bobby and Aunt Ellen and their daughter Jo had tagged along. Dean was nervous but the college administration had assured the family that he would be assigned a tutor to keep him up in all his classes. This was a big reason why Dean could go to college because he knew he'd have trouble keeping up. Since the college ran a special needs program, it had worked out perfectly.

 

He'd had a good three years with help from his tutor Michael. They'd become good friends and he'd made a few friends with his help and some with his own new found confidence. Kevin and Charlie were the closest to him other than Michael and they spent a lot of time together. 

 

Trouble struck when he came back after summer vacation to his final year. He’d been called to the special needs’ office and he was heading over there. When he walked in, the lady at the desk Mrs. Cantor recognized him immediately. “Good morning, Dean!”, she said cheerfully. “How was your summer?”

 

“It was fine, great actually. I interned so, I didn’t get too much vacation time but it was good”, Dean said nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I was told to come here? Is there a problem?”, he asked.

 

“Oh yes! Well, not the problem part. You’ve been assigned a new tutor since Michael Milton graduated”, she said. “I was supposed to give you details on your new tutor.” After shuffling through a few papers around her, she retrieved a file. Dean knew he’d be getting a new tutor but that didn’t mean he wasn’t crazy nervous about it. He didn’t do well when new people were introduced to him and they tended to look at him differently for his disability. The only way he’d made friends with Charlie and Kevin is because they came up to him asking _him_ answers to questions from an assignment. After that, they’d learned they had similar interests and stuck around each other. They also helped him with his work when Michael wasn’t around which helped him immensely.

 

“Don’t be nervous sweetie, as far as I know, the student is really nice and hard working”, Mrs. Cantor said in an effort to console Dean so that he wouldn’t feel too apprehensive and nervous. He tried to give her a smile but it was more of a grimace so he settled for a more reserved look.

 

“Okay. It says here his name’s Castiel Novak, he’s majoring in art and is in your year. He happened to take most of your classes and he transferred in from CU. He works in the same program that we have here. He requested to be here”, she said. Dean was surprised. _Asked to be here? Why would anyone do that?_ , he thought.

 

“He’ll be in here in the next couple of days. You can show him around while he tutors you. You think you will be comfortable with that?”, Mrs. Cantor asked. Dean swallowed and nodded. She smiled at him kindly and handed him the folder with Castiel’s details in it. He took and walked out, heading toward his dorm room to look over to get to know what his new tutor was like, academically at least.

 

When he walked in, Kevin was busy screaming obscenities at creatures trying to kill him in some new video game he’d been waiting to play. He walked up to him just as he was defeating a some ugly ass creature and tapped him on his shoulder causing him to spaz out and drop his controller.

 

“DEAN! What the HELL?!”, he yelled while Dean laughed his ass off at his roommate’s expression.

“Your… face!”, he managed to wheeze out. Kevin grabbed a cushion and threw it at Dean which hit him squarely in the back. “Asshole”, he said and turned back to his game while Dean stuck his tongue out at him.

 

He sat up properly on his bed and opened the folder up. All his transcripts and history of academics and extra curriculars were in it. He was a swimmer, ran track and marathons, volunteered at the library, worked with students and young children with special needs, had straight A’s, had a weird combination of subjects ranging from philosophy to art to sociology to freaking computer science ( _nerd_ ) and was an advocate for homeless animals.

 

 _Wow, he sounds like an angel sent from the heavens_ , Dean thought as he looked through the folder again. He looked at the schedule that the school had drawn up for him to find that they had a few classes together. Looking at it and comparing his schedule with it, he started planning what kind of tutoring plan he wanted. Every day would be too much and even though he’d had that arrangement with Michael but he hadn’t minded and had actually suggested that in the first place. He didn’t know if Castiel would have time to tutor him at the end of each day so he thought that they could pick days when they could work together. Maybe they could meet every two days at the library or something.

 

Before the boys realized, it was time for dinner. When they came back, Dean decided he’d try to search for Castiel on social networking sites. The most obvious would be facebook but he never made one coz he thought it was too pretentious and created a twitter instead.  

 

He still searched but couldn’t find him anywhere. _Weird. No social network_ , he thought. His curiosity was at its peak now coz this was one way to figure out what he looked like but now, he was going in blind.

 

“Just a few more days and my prayers are gonna be answered. All I have to do is be patient”, Dean sighed and turned off his laptop to get ready for the next day.

 

Dean got through his first day of senior classes pretty easily. Everything that had been discussed or talked about was within his grasp and he had no trouble retaining it. All in all, it was good.

 

The next few days passed like that. He had a couple of assignments and had attempted them to see how well he had understood things. Except for a few questions, he’d been fine. It was always the questions with twists or out of the box thinking that got him frustrated. He would get the answer eventually, he knew that. But he wanted to understand the ease with which everyone else could answer or solve the question. It wasn’t as though he was incompetent; he was better at grasping and solving certain things than the others and those set him apart. All he wanted now was to understand the secret key that everyone else was aware about except him.

 

It was the weekend now and he was halfway through his Friday classes when he got a text from an unknown number. He was sitting in class almost done so he decided he’d ignore it for now.

 

As soon as it ended and he got his things together, he grabbed his phone out. _Unknown number?_ , he was puzzled. He slid across the notification to see what it said.

 

_976-555-2732- Hey. Is this Dean Winchester? Mrs. Cantor gave me your number. I wanted to ask if you_ _’_ _d like to meet up today? I just got here and I thought we could use the time to get to know each other a little better- Castiel Novak_

Dean was surprised he hadn’t realized sooner. After slapping himself mentally and saving his number, he replied.

 

_Dean- Hi! Yeah it_ _’_ _s Dean. Yeah sure I_ _’_ _d love to. My classes get over at 3 which means I have one more left so, how about I see you at the fountain? If you get lost, ask someone and they_ _’_ _ll tell you. It_ _’_ _s pretty close to the library._

_Castiel- Cool! I_ _’_ _ve seen it so I doubt I_ _’_ _m gonna get lost. See you then : )_

Dean slipped his phone back into his pocket and walked toward his final class of the day. He was tired, he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before because he’d been too busy cracking codes from a book he’d bought over the summer. He’d solved about half of it but last night’s puzzle had taken hours to crack which cut his hours of sleeping from 10 hours to 6. He loved to sleep. It always made him happy to take a nap or wake up from a good night’s sleep. For him, he felt that sleeping was a gift and should be enjoyed and treasured.

 

The class had droned on and he had tried his hardest to pay attention. It was already difficult what with the people around him talking about stupid and mundane things that would have absolutely no consequence or significance in their future except maybe impact his grades and he was getting frustrated. He didn’t like being distracted by others especially when he found it so hard to focus.

 

He tried to tune them out and grasp something from the class regardless of his sleepy state and eventually managed to imagine them as white noise. Before he knew it his class had ended and he was making his way toward the fountain to meet Castiel Novak.

 

On his way to the fountain, he was assaulted by his other best friend Charlie. Her classes had just started today and they hadn’t had the time to meet. She knew about Michael leaving and was concerned about the new tutor that Dean was going to be assigned.

 

“Have you met your tutor?”, she asked. “No, I’m on my way to meet him now. He has a crazy CV let me tell you. Insane subject choices. I mean, who takes Intro to Philosophy and Operating systems along with Intro to Social Theories? That’s crazy right? Not to mention, he actually has most of _my_ subjects. Either he’s got too much time on his hands or he hasn’t made up his mind”, Dean said. Charlie frowned up at him and said, “I remember a certain boy having the feelsies for my subjects when he met me and was dying to get his hands on my course books. You can’t judge someone just because of their weird subject choices because you did the same. Now, where is this guy? I wanna meet him too.”

 

Dean scowled before telling her he was waiting for him at the fountain. Arm in arm, they made their way toward it and stopped to find Castiel when they reached their destination. Not finding anyone standing out, Dean whipped out his phone and sent a text to Castiel asking him where he was.

 

_Castiel- I_ _’_ _m wearing a grey tshirt with ripped jeans and a hoodie. Sitting under this tree_

 

Along with it was the attachment of the tree and Dean recognized it immediately. They found the old tree and found a person wearing said clothes under it. The person moved when he saw the pair approaching and stood up. Dean couldn’t make out any features yet but as they got closer, he started taking in his appearance.

 

Ruffled black hair, skinny physique, he assumed graceful because of the way he stood up and when they finally reached him, he saw his eyes. It was a prism for all shades of blue that nature could conjure and he was immediately fascinated. If he could, he’d like to conduct a genetic study on it to see how his chromosomes combined to create that color and if he had someone in his genetic line that could have contributed to his eye color.

 

“Hey. Um, I’m Castiel. You’re Dean right?”, Castiel said. _Hm, deep voice_ , Dean thought. “Yeah, and this is my friend Charlie.”

 

“Hi”, Charlie greeted him and stuck her hand out which Castiel shook with a smile on his face. “Glad to meet you”, he said.

 

They stood awkwardly before Charlie’s phone started ringing and she had to excuse herself to answer it. “So uh, how do you like Colorado?”, Dean asked tentatively. “It’s really nice. It’s very different from California but I like it.” Castiel smiled at Dean. He could see the other boy was nervous what with the way his hands kept twitching so he tried to make him as comfortable as possible. “Why don’t we sit down?”, he suggest and sat down, patting the ground beside him for Dean to sit.

 

Dean sat down and hugged his backpack and looked at him sideways. “So uhh, your tutor left huh? He graduated?”, Castiel started. Dean only nodded. He was busy trying to figure this person he was sitting next to out. So far, he hadn’t gotten any vibe that would suggest that he was unfriendly or rude. All he got was calm and friendship.

 

“How’d your classes go? Were they good?”, Castiel went on to keep the conversation going.

 

Dean shrugged, “They were okay. In my last class these idiot mud monkeys wouldn’t shut up so I had a problem concentrating and I also hatched a plan to murder them.”

 

Castiel didn’t look shocked, he just smiled. “How’d you plan to kill these mud monkeys?”

 

“Oh you know, Dexter style. Individually kidnap them and slice and dice em and then take them somewhere remote in the forests and bury them. Or if I find a lake, I chuck them in that and watch the currents carry them away.”

 

“That’s cool. So you like Dexter too huh? Not many people do”, Castiel said. “What else do you like?”

 

This got him nervous. Not everyone was welcoming of people with overenthusiasm for shows and movies; _especially_ if they weren’t socially acceptable and labelled as ‘geek shows’ or any other offensive stereotype.

 

“What do you like?”, Dean counter-questioned. If he talked the language of geeks, he would tell him. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t tell him his real passions, just pastime shows.

 

“Oh man, where do I start? Well, I’m hooked to Doctor Who and Lord of the Rings, I love Star Wars, I read graphic novels, I adore Marvel and DC and I love Neil Gaiman.; he writes crazy awesome- What? What’s wrong?”

 

He spoke the language. He didn’t just speak the language, he spoke _Dean_ _’_ _s_ language. He had named everything he lived for and the first to mention his love for Gaiman. So far, he’d introduced people to it and had never met anyone who was already in love. Fanboy that he was, his eyes went wide and his jaw dropped.

 

“What Dean? Why’re you looking at me like I’m an octopus with Hydra’s face on it?”, Castiel asked. Dean smiled before replying, “Because I love everything that you just mentioned and you’re the first person I’ve met who loved Neil Gaiman without me introducing you to it.” He grinned even more broadly till he was smiling completely.

 

Castiel gave him a big smile. “So am I acceptable to you now that I speak the language?”, he asked. 

 

“More than, good sir. One last question, do you like cosplaying or LARPing?”, Dean asked. Not everyone was into it but based on what Castiel had told him, he was willing to bet his Lego Deathstar that he was more than into it.

 

“Oh yeah! I was big into it in California. I didn’t know about the scene here so I was going to keep it on the down low until I felt comfortable to do it”, he said.

 

 _He_ _’_ _s awesome,_ Dean concluded. This had been enough for him and he was more comfortable with him now than before.

 

“How do you want to schedule our sessions, Castiel?”, Dean asked with a smile. He was hoping Castiel would get added to his small but important list of friends.

“Well, how about we do it alternate days? That way, you get a day to yourself where you aren’t studying. They don’t have to be long but if it does take long, that’s no problem. I’ll be there to help for anything and everything. But I have two rules”, Castiel said.

 

“What would those be?”, Dean asked curious. Michael had never had any rules and this was completely new territory for him.

 

“First, this is not a formal relationship, preferably I want us to be friends. It helps make the tutorings feel less like tutorings and more like study group. You know, something that you would do with your friends. With me so far?”, Castiel asked.

 

“Okay. Yeah. What’s the second part?”, Dean questioned.

 

“Secondly, if there’s something on your mind or there’s something that’s bothering you that’s impeding your studying or anything else, you tell me. You don’t have to give me details if you feel like you don’t trust me enough but if you just make me aware of it, even give me a ballpark description, I’ll do my best to help you. Is this acceptable to you?”, he finished.

 

Dean squinted at him. Yeah they made sense and everyone has their own way in which they work. He nodded once before telling him he was comfortable with his rules.

 

“Good. Shake on it?”, Castiel twisted and held his hand out to Dean. Hesitantly, Dean reached out and grasped Castiel’s hand. Both smiled and shook once before letting go and standing up.

 

“Well, I’m beat. How about we meet up tomorrow at 11 in the coffee place and I’ll have a look at all your work and curriculum and we can discuss it. Cool?”, Castiel asked Dean.

 

“Yeah cool. See you tomorrow”, Dean said and they both walked off in their own directions.

 

For a reason he couldn’t pinpoint, Dean was very interested in Castiel. He wanted to learn everything about the boy and build his image of him.

 

 _Who he is, only time will tell,_ Dean thought as he walked off to his dorm.   

 

 


	2. Batman & Coffee Shops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finally meets Castiel at the coffee shop. When Castiel brings up his past, it makes things uncomfortable for Dean. Later, Castiel reveals why he moved to Colorado.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the views and kudos! You all are so amazing and I love all of you so so so much for reading this story.

After meeting with Castiel and engaging with Kevin in a little game, Dean organised all that he would need for the next day. _Syllabus? Check. Notes? Check. Assignments? Check. Questions? TBD._ He had a few questions regarding the text they were studying and proceeded to paste post-its on ever page that had something that he didn't understand or needed a little clarity on.

 

After being satisfied with everything, he went out with Kevin and Charlie to a restaurant on campus for an after- holiday reunion.

 

They entered and chose a booth to sit in near the windows. “So”, Charlie started, “How’d it go with your new tutor what's-his-name, uh…”

 

“Castiel?”, Dean prompted.

 

“Yeah! I can't believe I forgot his name I was right there!”, she let out a huff.

 

“Wait- you met him today? Why didn't you tell me?”, Kevin asked in an offended tone.

 

“Well, you were too busy playing games and Charlie knows because I ran into her when I was on my way to meet him”, he explained.

 

Kevin scowled and muttered, “No fair”, and proceeded to pout until the waitress came around to take their order at which point he gave her a wide smile.

 

“Hi! What can I get for you this evening?”, she asked with a smile on her face.

 

“I’d like your club sandwich with a soda”, Charlie said.

 

“Uh, cheese burger, fries and… chocolate shake”, Dean said and smiled.

 

“Alrighty, what about you uh…?”, the waitress said gesturing to Kevin who was staring at her with eyes wide and mouth hanging open. Dean kicked him in the shin to wake him from his stupor.

 

“Dude what?!”, said Kevin as he reached his hand down to where he’d been kicked. Dean shook his head in the direction of the waitress and widened his eyes to make his point.

 

“Your order you doe eyed hobbit!”, said an exasperated Charlie and shook her head at him. She turned to the waitress and apologized for his behaviour.

 

“I’m really sorry about him. He’d like a club sandwich with salad on the side and a soda”, she smiled at the waitress.

 

“That’s okay. I’ll be back with your orders in ten minutes!”, she said and walked off.

 

“Keep it in your pants, man. Don’t leer like that!”, Charlie scolded him.

 

Kevin made a bitch face at her for telling him off and turned to Dean to see he was laughing at the two of them.

 

Dean calmed himself down enough to talk. “You do realize neither of you have a shot right?”, he said and continued to snicker.

 

Charlie just rolled her eyes and Kevin gave him a look of determination. Dean shook his head and moved his eyes to the table.

 

Kevin suddenly remembered what they were talking about before the waitress interruption and nudged Dean.

 

“Hey, so how’s the new guy? Is he nice?”, he asked.

 

“Yeah, he’s pretty cool. He speaks the language”, Dean started as what Mrs. Cantor said earlier this week echoed through his head. _He asked to be transferred here_ , it was weird. “But the thing I don’t get is that he _asked_ to come here and be assigned to me. I have no idea what that means. Why would anyone want to move from _California_ , of all places, to cold Colorado?”

 

Both Charlie and Kevin frowned at the information. No one tends to leave their chosen college just because another kid a few states over needs a new tutor. There had to be something there.

 

“How about you ask him the next time you meet? Did he say when he wanted to see you next?”, Charlie suggested.

 

Dean nodded before answering, “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. In fact, he wants to go over my stuff tomorrow. I have a meeting with him at 11.”

 

“Ask him then. I mean, it’s not like you’ve met before this have you?”, Kevin said as he shrugged his shoulders.

 

They didn’t talk anymore about Castiel that evening and instead listened to Charlie’s stories of Egypt from when she had visited in the summer.

 

Their food arrived sometime in the middle of a beetle story and they pretty much shut up after that, their focus solely on the food until they were satisfied enough to start talking again.

 

“It’s still pretty early, do you guys wanna do a Batman marathon? Not Nolan the animated ones”, Charlie piped up.

 

The boys agreed and they all headed back together to Kevin and Dean’s dorm building. Charlie’s was next door so she quickly went and retrieved the DVDs they would need and had changed into her pyjamas for the night.

 

“You guys should change too for comforts sake”, Charlie told them. Both the boys shrugged before grabbing their pyjamas on as well and settled on the floor and dragged down Kevin’s huge monitor down with them and started the movies.

 

Sometime in the middle of their fifth movie, everyone had collapsed and succumbed to unconsciousness.

 

 

Dean woke up with a start when his face slid off Charlie’s legs. He rubbed his face and leaned back against the edge of the bed before he felt like he’d been electrocuted. _Shit! I’m supposed to meet Castiel!! Oh CRAP I’M PROBABLY LATE!!,_ he cursed as he got up and went to his phone. He tried waking it up but to no avail.

 

 _Very smart Winchester, your phone’s dead. What if he called?!_ , he thought as he plugged in the charger and grabbed his watch.

 

12:03pm. _Oh yeah I’m late. I’m so late that a chick could probably get on her period sooner_.

 

When his phone finally decided it had enough juice to wake up, it had a bunch of notifications. Three missed calls, several texts, two voicemails and all from Castiel. _I’m so screwed_.

 

He quickly called back instead of reading everything.

 

“Hello?”, Castiel answered.

“Hey! Hi. I’m really really sorry about not making it on time. We were having a movie marathon last night and my phone died and I’m really sorry about this”, said Dean apologizing over and over again.

 

Castiel chuckled before answering, “It’s okay. I’m still here. Can you make it here in 10 minutes?”

 

“Yeah sure no problem”, Dean said a little out of breath as he tried to get into his jeans before tripping and landing face first on the floor.

 

He yelped in pain and held his head as he blindly grabbed for his phone.

 

“Dean, Dean are you there?”, Castiel was saying when he interrupted him.

 

“Yeah I’m here. Just had a little… accident”, he said as he groaned softly.

 

“Okay. Well, there’s one thing I want to say to you, about you being late”, Castiel said mysteriously.

 

“Yeah? What’s that?”, he asked as he sat up.

 

“I hope your marathon was freaking worth it!”, Castiel said as he laughed and cut the phone.

 

“Oh it was”, Dean muttered to no one in general before he wore his Batman t-shirt and grabbed his leather jacket and book bag and walked out. He was surprised that throughout whatever had happened, Charlie and Kevin hadn’t even blinked or stirred.

 

He walked quickly to the coffee shop and reached there out of breath. He scanned the place and saw raven hair peeking from the back of the shop walked toward it.

 

“Hey, I’m so sorry about being late”, he said as he took the seat in front of Castiel and sat down. Castiel only smiled and waved his hand in a dismissive way.

 

“So, do you want anything before we start?”, Castiel asked Dean.

 

“Uh, yeah. I need some sort of breakfast. I’ll just go order something and you can start looking through this folder”, he pulled out a binder and put it on the table before getting up and making his way toward the cash register.

 

“Hi can I get a uh… cup of coffee, black, and a slice of blueberry pie?”, he told the cashier.

 

“Sure. Your total is $11.55. Who should I make the order out to?”, asked the cashier.

 

“Dean”, he said.

 

“Your order will be right out”, said the cashier and went to get the order together.

 

Dean walked back to where Castiel was sitting and sat back in his chair.

 

Castiel was sifting through his previous grades and work along with notes from counsellors and professors he’d been taught by. He’d learned enough to be able to start constructing his methods with Dean.

 

“So, I went through your file and I noticed you understand better by visualizing things based on the notes your high school counsellor wrote. By the way, was she your mom? I noticed that she has the same last name”, he looked at Dean curiously.

 

Dean’s gaze shifted as the days of his bullying came back to him. It still hurt but not as much. He didn’t look up but nodded in reply to what Castiel had asked.

 

Castiel took in a deep breath as he studied Dean’s reaction. “What’s wrong?”, he asked.

 

Dean didn’t reply, he didn’t want to talk about his past right now. Luckily, the barista called out his order and he quickly ran up to get it.

 

When he returned and got started on his pie and coffee, Castiel kept looking at him hoping for an answer.

 

“What?”, Dean asked with his mouth full and Castiel raised his eyebrows asking for an answer for his question. Dean swallowed and kept his gaze down as he said softly, “Not now please. Another time.”

 

Castiel frowned but didn’t push it further and Dean went back to eating once he was sure there’d be no more questions.

 

“Getting back to topic, I noticed you have a little trouble with certain questions that have a slightly different MO than the rest. Not too much, but just enough to throw you off track. Some you’ve dealt with rather well but I think we can make them better. When are your assignments due?”, Castiel asked.

 

“Uh, not for another ten days”, Dean replied.

 

“We’ll start with that first and then move on to your essay questions. Don’t get me wrong, you’re good but I want to give you some pointers to make them better”, he said as he sifted through some of the papers in the binder.

 

Dean nodded and took a sip of his coffee. “I drew up a rough schedule. I wanted to discuss it with you and maybe we could make some changes if you want?”

 

“Well”, Castiel started as he looked at the schedule, “It looks fine to me so, how about we divide up the hours on each day? I want to spend at least an hour on things for overall improvement other than your course work. Maybe we can do that three times a week maybe more? Also, we’ll need to make up for time in case you’re busy on a day or I’m busy and we can’t do group.”

 

“Yeah sure. We can set up a contingency plan”, Dean agreed.

 

They spent the next hour discussing and making an appropriate schedule that would work for both of them.

 

“Woo! I’m hungry”, Dean said as he leaned back and stretched.

 

Castiel laughed and replied, “Me too. Let’s go get something to eat before my stomach consumes itself.”

 

Dean collected his things and they walked out together to find a place to eat. They entered Olive Garden and found themselves a table. They ordered without looking at the menu and sat in comfortable silence as they waited.

 

Dean was looking out at the people walking by on the street, friends and couples alike, laughing and enjoying life. He saw the occasional loner and was intrigued by each and every one of them. A loner’s story was always, he believed, life changing. These people, according to him, caused alterations in lives of those they talked to. He hadn’t been forward enough to go up and talk to one of these people but whenever he went to a café or restaurant alone, he’d observe the interactions and would be fascinated by how people would tell these loners their problems and stories so easily. He wished he could do that but he’d been hurt by people in the past and refrained from doing so in recent years unless he was sure of the person.

 

The people encountering these loners always left happy or hopeful after talking to them and all he wanted to know was what that person had said to the stranger spilling their life story to give them that. _I wish I could tell someone,_ he sighed.

 

“What’re you thinking about?”, Castiel’s voice broke through his reverie.

 

Dean shook his head and took a deep breath. “Castiel? Can I ask you a question?”

 

Castiel sat up straighter and nodded for him to continue.

 

“W-why did you uh… ask to c-come here?”, Dean stuttered. He was nervous because he didn’t know what Castiel’s reaction to the question was going to be. Dean didn’t trust him yet. Yes, he was nice and very friendly but _why in Gandalf’s name had he come here_? It couldn’t be on a whim, he had to have had a reason.

 

Dean played with his hands and fidgeted while he waited for Castiel’s answer.

 

“Why’re you asking me that?”, Castiel asked.

 

Dean shrugged and started, “B-because Mrs. Cantor uh… s-she sai-id you ask-asked to come h-here.”

 

When he looked up, Castiel was leaning back in his chair and he was looking at him with a look that he couldn’t properly read. That added to his nervousness as he waited, this didn’t look good.

 

Castiel opened his mouth to speak up but closed it and turned to look out the window. Dean looked at him with desperate eyes. Their waiter arrived with their food and Castiel waited until he set it down and left to give him an answer.

 

“Dean, you have to understand, I didn’t have a choice. I _had_ to leave, for my own safety. Back at CU, I may have been doing well but, not everything was perfect. There were… problems that continued to escalate while I was there. Which is why, when I talked to the head of the special needs office there about students who needed a tutor, your name came up. He thought I wouldn’t take it because I would have to leave but I was more than happy with leaving and coming here to finish my degree and tutor you.

 

“While I was there, I had a partner. We’d been together since high school and we had been planning to move out together after we finished college and everything was great till he lost his entire family in a car accident. He was wrecked when he heard the news and I was with him the entire time he mourned. I helped him when he woke up screaming from a nightmare and after a while, he stopped sleeping. Instead, he started drinking and not just a little, a lot. Before I knew it, I was starting to get blamed for the fire and he called me names. It broke me whenever he said that but I never let him see it. It had been almost 3 months after when he hit me and it didn’t stop. It got worse and he took all of his anger and frustration out on me. He cut me in places that would be hidden and gave me bruises everywhere. I took all of it till the spring semester. It kept getting worse and then he tried to kill me. That’s when I decided it was time to leave and move on.”

 

Dean listened quietly and watched as his expressions changed with every detail. At this moment, though admittedly nothing showed on his face, Castiel’s eyes were stormy blue and full of turmoil, grief and pain.

 

“I started asking for extra work to keep me busy so that I wouldn’t have to see him. It would work sometimes but he’d always find me. Then, I started hanging out at the special needs office. I became great friends with the receptionist and head and I would ask them if there was any more students they could give me. Occasionally I’d get an extra student to work with but soon enough there weren’t any left. But one day, by some Irish luck, I saw your file on the head’s desk and I asked him about it. He told me about you and I decided that that would be my way out of the hell my life had become. They thought I was crazy at first but I reasoned with them and they let me transfer. That, is how I came to be here. I didn’t ask to be transferred, I _needed it._ ”

 

Dean didn’t know what to say and just stared at him. Castiel on the other hand had started eating his food and gestured at Dean to start.

 

Dean gave Castiel one last look before he started his own food. A few bites in, he stopped and looked up.

 

“Hey”, he started, to catch Castiel’s attention. “I’m gonna call you Cas”, he said and smiled.

 

Castiel moved his head side to side considering the name before giving Dean a huge smile. “Cas it is.”


	3. A Journey in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time wears on and Dean and Cas' friendship continues. October brings with it Halloween and a party. Dean decides he wants to share something with Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long overdue. I felt very emotional while writing it. It's very close to me.  
> I'm still very upset at the anon tumblr hate a lot of our family got. I was crying when I went through Twitter and almost cried publicly several times that day. If you feel like you need someone, talk. If you don't have someone, my ears and heart are yours.

September had flown away in a transition of balmy summer evenings to cold breezed fall winds. That was the sucky part about studying in cold places, the summer barely lasted and the winter came too soon.

Cas and Dean had settled into an easy rhythm. They met at the library every alternate day to work. If they decided it was a waste of a good warm evening, they studied outside. All in all, everything was going well.

October arrived and Charlie would not stop talking about dressing up for Halloween. Dean knew it was her favourite holiday of the year but how can someone so little (comparatively) talk so much?

"So, I was thinking I would do Princess Leia this year. I mean, I haven't done her since high school and I know I make a mean Leia", Charlie jabbered away in her own world. Dean on the other hand, was very distracted. Not because of a costume, he'd already picked one out, but because Cas had cancelled on their study group today.

They had had very regular sessions all throughout until today when he texted to tell him that today's session was moved to tomorrow.  _He does look more worn down. Maybe he needs some sleep_ , Dean reasoned. It still nagged him at the back of his mind but he tried to ignore it and moved his attention back to what Charlie was saying.

"Dean? Deanie? Hello? Where are you?", she said as she tried to get his attention.

"Yeah, sorry. What was that?", he asked.

"I asked who you were going as for Halloween."

"I already did Batman so, I'm going as Indiana Jones", he said and smiled at her.

"Good choice. Now, how do we convince Kevin to either dress as a hobbit or a dwarf? I think he has plans to go as the Eleventh Doctor or something."

"We don't convince him. Though it would be awesome to see him dressed as a hobbit. Remember when he became an elf that one year?"

Charlie nodded as they smiled at the memory.  _Time does fly when you think about it._

"Hey, what about Cas? Did you ask him to come with us for the party?", she asked Dean.

He shook his head. Each time he had met Cas, his sole intention had been to learn his mannerisms, understand him, predict him. He had learned some bit but he needed more to construct who Cas Novak was in his mind's eye.

"You should ask him you know. He is your tutor/ friend."

Charlie had a point. It would be rude to not invite Cas to come to the party with them.

"I'll ask him tomorrow. Promise", he replied.

Cas had decided he wanted to conduct their study session outside so they were walking towards the fountain, where they had first met.

"Dean? You alright?", Cas asked in a concerned voice.

Dean nodded and they kept on walking until they reached the tree and sat down. They were going over some text for a test when he piped up.

"Do you want to come for Charlie's Halloween party?"

Cas shut up about whatever he was saying before and stared at Dean. "What?"

"Charlie's having a party for Halloween and wanted me to ask if you wanted to come."

"You interrupted to invite me to a party?", Cas asked.

Dean shrugged and looked at him, waiting for an answer. Cas sighed and his shoulders slumped, "Do we have to wear costumes?"

Dean nodded.

"Who're you going as?"

"Indiana Jones."

"Hmm, interesting. Okay, I'll go", he said and smiled.

They went back to studying after that. When it got too dark, they left and Dean texted Charlie to let her know that Cas had accepted her invitation.

_Charlie- Cool! You told him that costumes were compulsory right?_

_Dean- Yes._

_Charlie- Does he know who he's going as yet?_

_Dean- No. He might talk to you about that._

For some reason, he felt sad that Cas might ask Charlie instead of him for help.  _Why the heck are you sad? You're only friends!_

He entered his room, glad that Kevin wasn't there. Sitting down, he pulled out his phone and decided to text Cas.

_Dean- hi_

After a couple of minutes of waiting, he felt the desire for a shower and went to go take one. The water was nice and hot and helped him relax. When he got done and got dressed in comfort clothes, he walked over to his laptop and dragged it over to his bed and nestled into his numerous pillows and blankets.

He glanced at where his phone was sitting and woke it up to see if he had any texts. He felt a bit nervous when he saw that Cas had replied.

_Cas- Hello, Dean. Is there something wrong?_

_Dean- No no. Just wanted to ask you something._

_Cas- What would that be?_

Dean typed out his text but hesitated a bit before finally sending it.

_Dean- I was wondering if you'd decided who you wanted to go as for Halloween & that if you hadn't, I could help?_

He tucked his phone away and started searching for something to watch, ignoring it. It was a tactic he'd employed a lot of times. Whenever he'd asked awkward questions or talked to crushes or-  _Hold the Storm Troopers. Crush? Ruh- roh._

This was not good in Dean's very humble opinion.  _Tutor? Seriously? Way to make things awkward!_

"This sucks", he grumbled while he watched an episode of Doctor Who. Somewhere in the middle he'd forgotten he'd texted Cas and slipped into his feels-zone. In the middle of a particularly emotional scene, his phone rang distracting him. He pulled his phone out and answered without looking.

"Hello?", he answered and sniffled a bit. Almost everyone knew not to question his state when he answered like this.

"Hello? Dean, is that you? Are you okay?", said a voice sounding like Castiel's.

"Castiel?", shock laced his voice.

"Yeah, it's me? Are you alright? You sound like you've been crying."

_Crap._

"Yeah, yeah", Dean replied and then proceeded to clear his throat and wipe away his tears. "I was uh... I was watching Doctor Who and it was the episode in which the Ponds die."

"Oh. Feels."

Dean nodded even though Cas couldn't see him.

"Well, uh, I called to ask if you could come with me tomorrow? I know we don't have a session or anything but I need help with picking out a costume. At first I thought I'd ask Charlie but we aren't that close and I really need help...", Cas trailed off.

Dean was dumbfounded. He half thought that someone could read his mind and secretly sending pigeon couriers to people with little notes telling them to do things. In his case, he felt like someone sent one to Cas saying-  _Ask Dean for costume help because he wants to help you out._

"Um... Uh..."

"You don't have to if you don't want to", Cas replied quickly.

"N-no. I uh... I-I'll help y-you ou-out", Dean said stuttering.

"Okay. Cool. I'll text you details."

Dean didn't say anything. He was still processing what had transpired.

"Okay. Bye", Cas said and hung up.

Dean sat with the phone still stuck to his ear even though the call had ended. When some sort of feeling returned to him, he put his phone down slowly.

_Cas wants to go costume shopping with me. Cas wants to go costume shopping with ME. CASWANTSTOGOCOSTUMESHOPPINGWITHME._

He was freaking out for no reason and slapped himself to get some control.  _Focus, Dean, focus._  He breathed in and out deeply.  _It's only costume shopping. Not a date. I repeat, this is_ NOT _a date._

After calming down, he decided dinner was in order and grabbed on a jacket and his shoes and left to get himself a good greasy burger and some pie.

He was considerably better when he got back and dozed off while marathoning Doctor Who. When Kevin came back to their room he has no idea but when he woke up in the middle of the night, his laptop was on his desk and he was tucked in nicely and when he looked over at his roommate's bed, he saw a shape sleeping, slightly snoring.

When he woke up in the morning, Kevin was still sleeping and as quiet as a mouse, he got dressed and left for his morning classes.

"Heya Deanie! What's cookin'?, Charlie greeted him as she fell into step with him.

He'd gotten used to her sudden appearances but he still jumped a bit when she said hi.

"Gah! Hiya, Charlie. N-nothing, nothing at all. Wh-why would you think anything was cooking? There's nothing c-cooking", his stutter flared and he answered nervously.

Charlie raised her eyebrow and gave him a look that said-  _Oh I bet there isn't now tell me_.

Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. "Okay. Fine. Cas asked me to come costume shopping with him for your party."

Charlie stared and then squinted at him. "So...?" Realization dawned on her and she slapped her hand over her mouth. Dean gave her a warning look to stop her from saying anything but she still started flailing like a dying fish.

"Don't. Stop. Calm down. It's not a big deal. CHARLIE!", he yelled.

"WHAT?!", she yelled.

"Calm the hell down woman! This is  _not_  a big deal. Please stop acting like we're destined for love or something."

"Dean, let me tell you a little thing that I have learnt", Charlie started in her philosophical voice. "When someone asks for your help over something like a costume, it means that your opinion  _matters_. They're trying to get  _your_  attention, to see what  _you_  like on  _them_ , capisce? I'm pretty sure he likes you."

Dean groaned.  _I'm pretty sure she's going to start shipping us._  "Just... Please don't say anything to him or Kevin or anyone else and please,  _please_  behave normally when he's around."

Charlie considered the terms but agreed to them. "So, when're you going shopping?"

"Today after class."

She didn't say anything and walked on.  _Probably plotting a way to get us together. Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut?_

His classes passed uneventfully and he was walking toward the coffee shop so that he and Cas could leave and go shopping. He was pretty nervous which he thought would've never happened if his brain hadn't decided to drop that particular bomb.

He shifted from one foot to the other, paced, counted edges, tried to count for how long he can keep his eyes open without blinking and a whole lot of other nervous stuff till Cas came.

"I'm sorry I'm late! Got caught up with a teacher. Shall we?", he said and gestured forwards with his hand.

Dean nodded and they were on their way. They shared an awkwardly companionable silence but then Cas spoke up, "How'd you come up with Indiana Jones?"

Dean laughed before answering, "Because I love him. He's freaking awesome. He was my hero while growing up."

Cas smiled. "I think I've decided who I'm going to be for Halloween. How about we go get coffee instead?"

Dean's head snapped toward Cas as they walked. He nodded and they found a coffee shop and sat down. This reminded him of their lunch, of when Cas had told him why he'd moved from California to Colorado.  _I hope he doesn't ask me to tell him._

Even though they'd spent a significant time alone, this felt different to Dean and threw him into unchartered territory. He kept tapping his foot and looking everywhere but Cas, looking for an excuse to leave.

"Dean? Are you okay? You seem uncomfortable", Cas said in a worried tone.

 _Don't panic._ "I'm fine. Just... weird."  _Very articulate._

"What's weird? Is this weird?"

Dean gulped and shrugged his shoulders.

Cas smiled. "We can leave if you want."

Dean nodded enthusiastically and they got their coffee to go. On the walk back, Cas kept glancing at him, trying to understand what had thrown him off that made him want to leave the shop.

"Well, this is me. I'll see you tomorrow", Cas said.

"Yeah. Bye!", Dean said and walked off in the direction of his dorms. What he didn't see was Cas standing at the corner until Dean turned a corner and then set off on his own way.

The days leading up to the party were normal. Dean didn't think of anything as anything and their sessions went smoothly.

The day of the party arrived and Dean was getting dressed so that he could go over and help Charlie. Kevin had already dressed as Ash Ketchum and left.

 _I bet Charlie's going to be so bummed that Kevin isn't dressed as a hobbit._  She'd been trying to get him to do it for years. Dean chuckled and brought out his costume. Smiling, he started to change.

After dressing up, he looked himself up and down in the mirror.  _Damn, I look good_ , he smirked at himself. Thoroughly satisfied, he headed over to Charlie's apartment which she had finally managed to get a few weeks ago.

The preparations were in full swing when he let himself in using the key that Charlie had presented both him and Kevin with.

"Dean! Thank god you're here! Wow, you look good!", Charlie said as she gave him a quick once over. "I need cobwebs in the corners and please organize the drinks, everything you need is in the kitchen."

Dean gave her a salute and got to work. When he got done with the cobwebs, he headed into the kitchen where he found bottles upon bottles of alcohol and it seemed like endless amounts of beer.

"How many people did she invite?", he wondered out loud. He glanced at everything once before deciding where everything went. He filled in a few cups with beer and laid them out so that the first few arrivals could get their drinks.

Charlie walked in just as he finished filling up the last cup and laid it on the counter. She whistled and said, "Wow that looks great."

Dean smiled at the compliment. "Do you want me to do anything else?"

"No, not really. Ash went to get some more snacks for the party."

Dean quirked an eyebrow before understanding what she meant and nodded. There were barely five minutes left before people would start arriving.

"Oh! I didn't tell you before but I totally dig the costume. You're definitely scoring in that", he complimented her.

"You betcha!", she said and winked at him.

People started showing up and the apartment filled up very fast. In no time, it felt like being packed in a can like sardines. Dean was starting to get uncomfortable so he made his way to the roof.  _Her parents sure went all out when they let her get this place._  Once he reached, he found a spot to sit down and looked out at the vast expanse around him. Calm settled over him and he took a sip of drink, enjoying the view.

Cas arrived at the party much later than he'd expected and had tried to find Kevin, Charlie or Dean but had failed. He finally ran into Charlie while he was trying to get another drink. She was fairly drunk and flirting with a very pretty dark haired girl. He'd asked her where Dean was and she'd had no idea. Slightly frustrated, he had downed his drink and made his way toward the roof to clear his head.

When he got to his destination, he saw a figure sitting and looking out at the night sky. When he got closer, he saw that it was Dean.

Dean was so lost in his own thoughts, he hadn't heard anyone come up to the roof. Someone cleared their throat and Dean looked around to see Castiel standing a ways away, dressed as Aragorn.

"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, the last King of Gondor", Castiel said in a fake British accent.

Dean was left speechless. Cas looked so, looked so, damn what's the word... Regal! Yes! Regal! He actually looked like he ruled a kingdom.

"What? You're gonna just keep staring or something?", he teased.

"Uh... N-no sorry", Dean shied away.

"Come on. Up you go, I want to see how you look, Indy."

Dean blushed when Cas' hand latched onto his arm and he tried to get him to stand. Dean helped him and stood up feeling very self-conscious. No one except his parents had ever done this, not even Charlie or Kevin or Michael.

"Wow! You look awesome!", Cas gushed causing Dean to blush even more than he already was.

"T-thank you. Y-you look a-amazing", Dean stumbled out.

Cas beamed at him and put his finger under Dean's chin to make him look up. "It's okay, Dean. You don't have to be shy", he said comfortingly.

Feeling a little assured at his words, Dean felt the tension slowly leaving him. He flashed Cas a smile before asking him softly, "How'd you figure out what costume to get?"

"Well, I had a few I've wanted to wear and then you told me you were dressing up as Indiana Jones", Dean's breath hitched when he heard Cas say that, "So yeah. I figured, why not do Lord of the Rings? Which is what led to this costume."

He pirouetted around for Dean to see him from every angle, "Yeah?"

Dean nodded. Cas was truly handsome and completely out of his league.

They sat in each other's company, making small talk and enjoying the fall night. People came and went but they were never loud or noisy enough to disturb the small bubble that they had fallen into.

After some deliberation, Dean decided to do something.  _Baby steps_.

"Cas-Castiel?", he felt the need to use his full name because he believed that what he was about to tell him warranted it.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Remember that day w-when we went f-for lun-ch?", his nervousness was causing him to stutter but he had to get this out.

"Yeah."

"D-do you remember bef-before when you ask-asked me ab-about s-school when we w-were a-at the coffee sh-shop?"

Cas nodded and turned himself to face Dean completely.

He took in a deep breath.  _Baby steps, you have to start some time._  "I-I want t-to tell you a-about it."

Cas' eyebrows shot up as surprise painted it. "You know you don't have to right?"

"I-I know. B-but I w-want to. I-it's n-not everything though. Just a-a little b-bit." He glanced at Cas from the corner of his eye through his lashes.

Cas waited patiently as Dean collected his thoughts and willpower to tell his story.

"When I w-was in elemen-mentary school, all th-the kids m-made fun of me bec-because the teacher g-gave me special at-attention. I di-didn't have an-any friends. Th-they ev-even stole m-my lun-lunch sometimes a-and my books. My mom told me I was special b-but I didn't f-fee-feel like I w-was." Dean paused, tears threatened to pour down his cheeks as he stared into his lap. Cas had scooted closer to him to hear him better.

"I-I was always alone. I n-never had any friends. Then Sam-Sammy came and wh-when he grew older, I-I felt l-like I di-didn't matter, tha-at I was a b-burden o-on my parents. H-he was the star child a-and I felt wor-worhtless, like I di-didn't bel-long. I st-started thi-thinking I was ado-adopted be-because it hurt s-so m-much and it felt like n-nobody lo-lov-loved m-me."

Cas hugged Dean and he cried into his shoulder. He understood it had taken a lot of strength to tell him what he did and didn't ask for more, only comforting him.

Dean cried his heart out. In that moment he didn't care that he might be ruining Cas' clothes. He had kept most of this inside of him and recounting and remembering was hurting him all over again. He felt as though as he was eleven years old again, his teacher persuading him to go and play with the others in gym class while he sat on a bench and shook his head.  _They don't want me to play with them because they don't like me._

Dean sobbed harder as every memory flooded his mind and Cas held him tighter, wishing he could take all his pain away.


	4. Heatseeker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean finds a cuddly friend in the snow. Bad weather has Dean and Cas stranded together without any electricity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I know this is late but that's what happens when you decided to marathon Lord of the Rings and Star Wars.

Cas didn’t bring up the Incident after that night. They continued on with their study sessions and though he ached with the need to discuss it further with Dean, remembering what he told him and what it did to him that one time dissuaded Cas from bringing it up.

 

Dean tried desperately to hide his anxiety when he was around Cas. He was glad that he hadn’t run away when he’d told him about his past but his mind raced every time he let it stray to that night he revealed a part of himself. He didn’t know what Cas had thought when he’d told him and there were times when he felt as though he were being pitied by his tutor and that, by far, was much worse than anything his mind could conjure up.

 

November brought with it long cold nights and harsh winds that left students huddling together and finding shelter in the nearest buildings they could find. This particular evening was exceptionally cold and had brought with it the first snowfall of the season. As the white flakes fell steadily and blanketed everything around slowly, Dean decided to walk leisurely back to his dorm to enjoy the falling snow. His study session at the library had felt longer than usual without Cas there and the sky was turning darker with every step he took; bringing with it another night.

 

He was passing through the park just before he reached his destination enjoying the sound and feeling of the crunching snow beneath his shoes when he heard it. His head snapped to attention towards where he thought the sound came from and walked in its direction. _Did I hear what I think I heard?_ , he thought to himself as cautiously walked toward a small bush that was bare save for some snow on it. When he got closer, he saw what had made the noise- a tiny kitten.

 

Dean walked cautiously toward it so as not to startle it and got down on his haunches so that he could get a better look. The kitten was barely a month old, was black and had white fur extending from its muzzle to its stomach along with white paws and seemed to be shivering.

 

“Hey there kitty”, he said softly and the kitten looked at him with vibrant blue eyes. He smiled and stretched out a gloved hand to bring it out, “I’m not going to hurt you. You can come out, it’s safe I promise.”

 

The kitten looked sceptical as it surveyed Dean’s gloved hand. It sniffed at it and feeling the warmth radiating, took a step forward and pressed its nose against one of his fingers. Dean didn’t move while the kitten did all its tests to make sure he wasn’t a danger to it. His thighs and feet were starting to feel a little sore but he kept on until the kitten pressed its face into his hand and nuzzled it. Taking that as a positive response, he brought out his other hand and scooped up and brought out the kitten from the bush.

 

“It’s going to be okay. We’re going to get you warm. Come on”, he said to the kitten as he kept it close to his body to stop its shivering. “Almost there”, he said as he reached his dorm building and quickly slipped inside and up to his bedroom.

 

When he walked in, Kevin had not returned and he used that as an opportunity to get the kitten warm and cozy without any interruptions. He placed the kitten in the middle of his bed and surrounded a blanket around it. “Don’t move from there. I’m going to find something to keep you warm for tonight”, he said to the kitten and made his way to his closet to find some old tshirts and mufflers that he didn’t need and could use. He found what he needed along with an empty box that was the perfect size for the kitten to sleep in.

 

“You’re in luck little one, I found a nice warm bed for you”, he said as he lined the box with the tshirts. Out of curiosity, the kitten decided to leave its spot on the bed and jumped on to Dean’s shoulder.

 

“Hey now! I said stay on the bed!”, he said in a surprised voice and picked the feline off his shoulder and placed it in the box. “There. That feel good?”

 

“Mew”, came the tiny response as the kitten settled down and Dean tucked one of his old mufflers around it.

 

“You’re pretty. I’m going to have to come up with a name for you”, he mused and stroked its head. He was met with a small purr that brought a smile to his face. “In the meantime, let’s get you some milk.”

 

Dean got up from the floor and dusted himself off before walking out and making his way toward the kitchen in their building where he knows he’ll be able to find some milk for the night. While walking to the kitchen, getting the milk and heating it up a bit and carrying it back up in a bowl, he analysed the kitten’s features to come up with a name.

 

 _Black  fur, white muzzle, blue eyes like Cas, nope not again_ , he shook his head and went back to his thoughts and this time, without his tutor in them. _Okay. Blue eyes… Sapphire? Nah, that’s just going with the obvious_. He closed his eyes for a moment outside his door before the answer presented itself to him making him smile widely.

 

He walked in and saw that the kitten was peering up at him with a curious look in its eyes. “Well, I think I’ve come up with a decent name for you. I’m pretty sure you’re female so, I’m going to call you Arwen”, he said in a satisfied voice.

 

Arwen’s ears perked up at the name and she meowed in approval. Dean set down the bowl of warm milk near the box and she jumped out eagerly and began lapping at it. “Easy there! Don’t fall in”, he chuckled and kept a light hand on her back as she happily lapped away at the milk.

 

When she was finished, Dean placed her back into her box and tucked her in and gave her a small kiss on her head. “Good night, Arwen.”

 

Kevin was more than excited about the kitten and approved of the name that Dean had given her. “She’s so cute! How do you expect me to study with her around when all I want to do is play with her?”, Kevin said and flashed Dean a look of helplessness.

 

“It’s not just you, you know that right?”, he said in a matter of fact voice. “We’re just going to have to manage.”

 

Arwen was currently playing around with a toy mouse that they’d brought from the pet store earlier and was making tiny noises in surprise when the mouse squeaked. Dean gazed at her and felt himself relax to the point that when his phone rang, he almost didn’t notice it.

 

“Answer your phone man”, Kevin said as he walked toward the door. “I’m going over to Charlie’s to study. See you at dinner.”

 

“Okay!”, Dean said and grabbed his phone from his study table. Panic surged through him when he saw who was calling. “Cas! Hey, I’m sorry I’m late.”

 

“Dean, this is unacceptable. You scheduled this study session and you’re late. Where are you?”, Cas admonished him.

 

“Well, uh… I’m still in my room”, Dean said in a sheepish tone.

 

“And when do you plan on coming here?”

 

Dean glanced at where Arwen was playing around. _I can’t leave her alone!_

 

“Castiel, could I ask for a big favour?”, he started cautiously.

 

“Depends. Is it to make sure you don’t pass because you’re doing a splendid job already.”

 

Dean groaned internally; Castiel was very difficult to deal with at times.

 

“Could we do the session in my room? I can’t really leave.”

 

“Why can’t you leave Dean? Did someone handcuff you to your chair and lock the door to your room to stop you from escaping?”

 

The way Cas was talking was getting on Dean’s nerves and his temper was starting to flare. “God no! Just shut up and g-get here so t-that you can tu-tutor me _and_ find out w-why.”

 

“Why what?”, Cas asked confused.

 

“Why I can’t leave my room.” With that final statement, he cut the phone and threw it on to his bed with more force than necessary causing it to bounce off into the unknown realm of blankets on the bed.

 

Dean held his head in his hands and nearly jumped out of his skin when Arwen jumped into his lap to look at him with concerned eyes.

 

Dean sighed and stroked her head earning a purr. “Why don’t people ever listen?” He went on stroking her until there was a knock on his door.

 

“Dean? It’s me”, Cas called out through the door.

 

Dean scooped up Arwen and placed her on his shoulder before going to answer the door.

 

“Hey. Come on in”, he said as he stood aside to let his tutor in.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“There’s a uh… a um…”, Cas fumbled over his words.

 

Dean chuckled. “Yes Castiel I’m aware of the kitten sitting on my shoulder now can you please come inside?” He waved his hand in a gesture of entry to distract Cas who had resumed staring at the feline perched on his shoulder.

 

“Yes, yeah, of course”, Cas said and shook his head as he stepped inside.

 

Dean closed the door behind him and pulled Arwen off his shoulder to cradle her in his arms.

 

“Where should I…”, Cas trailed off as he held his coat in his hand waiting for instructions from Dean.

 

“Just put it on the chair.”

 

“Is that why we’re doing this here?”, he asked Dean and motioned with his hand at his arms.

 

“Yeah. I can’t leave Arwen alone. Can’t attract attention now can we?”, Dean said and gazed in adoration at her.

 

“May I?”, Cas asked holding out his hands.

 

“Sure.” Dean held Arwen out to Cas’ outstretched hands. She sniffed at his index finger before pawing it, allowing him to hold her.

 

Cas took her and cradled her in his arms as though she were fine china. “She’s so tiny and adorable! Where did you find her?”

 

“In the park close to the dorms under a bush. I heard her and followed the sound and found her shivering. I got to my room, made sure she was warm and the rest is history.”

 

“Arwen… You’re crazy about Lord of the Rings aren’t you?”, Cas asked and flashed a toothy grin at Dean.

 

In an attempt to hide the blush colouring his face, Dean looked down and scuffed his feet against the floor and didn’t respond.

 

Cas put Arwen down into her little box and pulled Kevin’s chair out to where Dean’s desk was. “Shall we get started?”

 

Dean nodded and sat down next to him. Their knees brushed accidentally causing Dean to breathe in deeply and try to ignore the sensation. _This is going to be a long night._

During a particularly annoying problem that Cas had assigned him, Dean’s phone rang. Cas looked at him pointedly because they had a strict no phone rule. “Do you mind?”, he asked him. Cas nodded and he proceeded to sift through the folds of his blankets.

 

“Why’s Kevin calling me?”, he mused.

 

“Hey Kev. What’s up?”

 

“Dean! Hi! I just wanted to tell you that I’m staying at Charlie’s tonight.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“You don’t know?”

 

“Know what?” He was very confused at this moment and his stomach twisted with nervousness.

 

“Look outside the window and tell me what you see.”

 

Dean padded over the window and pulled aside the curtain. “No…”, he said in a horrified voice.

 

“Yes. I’m hoping tomorrow’s test gets cancelled. Sleep tight!”

 

The line went dead and Dean slowly lowered his hand, his eyes fixed on the scene outside. _This is not good. This is most_ definitely _not good._

 

“Dean? What’s wrong? Why’re you looking outside like that?”, Cas asked him.

 

Dean swallowed and slowly turned his head to look at him. “T-there’s a blizzard.”

 

“What?”, Cas said and stood up to walk over to where Dean stood. He pointed at the scene outside and Cas’ jaw dropped.

 

“No…”, Cas said alarm in his voice.

 

Dean quietly walked away and sat at the edge of his bed. This was not happening. He couldn’t have Cas spending the night in his room. What if something happens? What if _he_ does something? The thought had him falling back on his bed in a defeated manner.

 

“It hasn’t picked up yet. I think I can still make it to my place before it gets worse”, Cas said and turned away from the window to face Dean.

 

Before Dean could react, the lights went out and the blizzard picked up in a flurry of snow and howling winds. “I guess that’s out of the question now”, Dean said running a hand through his hair.

 

 

Dean found a few candles and lit them, huddling into his blankets and looked at Cas who was across from him on Kevin’s bed. “What do we do now?”, he asked. The room had started to get cold and he had shifted Arwen from her box to his bed so that she could remain warm.

 

“I don’t know… What do you do in these situations?”

 

Dean shrugged in the dimly lit room. “We haven’t had a power outage in all the three years I’ve been here.”

 

“I guess this is going to be a very bad storm then.”

 

Dean nodded. “Your very first Colorado blizzard and blackout. Sounds like a game achievement.”

 

Cas laughed loud and threw his head back. “God you’re adorable.”

 

 _Adorable?_ Dean’s face flushed in the dark and he huddled closer into his blankets.

 

“Want to play a game?”, Cas asked softly.

 

Dean looked up and nodded.

 

“Twenty questions? I know it's cliché but I don't think we can do much of anything else.”

 

“Yeah sure, okay”, Dean agreed. “You first.”

 

“When’s your birthday?”

 

“January 24th. Did you always live in California?”

 

“No. I grew up in Seattle and moved there later. Why engineering?”

 

“I like cars a lot. Thought it’d make a good career. Why did you take so many different subjects?”

 

“Couldn't make up my mind. I love too many things so I thought I’d get a taste of all of them. What's your favourite book?”

 

“That's a difficult question. It's like asking someone ‘which do you prefer- your arms or your legs?’ Right now I’m reading Wilbur Smith. What or who or where has had the most impact on your life?”

 

“You ask difficult questions, Winchester”, Cas said with a smile on his face. Dean couldn't help it- he had an involuntary knack for asking questions that answered more than any individual would like to offer.

 

“It was this stranger, she was one of my classmate’s mother. It was Christmas and she gave my mom $100 so that we could have a nice holiday. That made a big difference and I learnt that even the smallest acts of kindness can make a big difference.”

 

That was an unexpected revelation that Dean was not prepared for. _He didn't have much while growing up._ With just that one answer, Dean’s entire image of Cas shifted and changed, becoming even more amazing than before.

 

Silence fell between them and Dean fiddled with the edge of his blanket. With no warning, his stomach made a loud rumbling sound. 

 

“Is there anything to eat around here?”, asked Cas with a worried expression.

 

“I don't know… I think there's some instant Ramen and energy bars in the kitchen. I can go look, won't take too long.” Dean got out of his warm cocoon, grabbed on another jacket and headed out without another word. He used the torch on his phone to navigate through the hallways to get to the little kitchen in his building _._

 

Dean sifted through cupboards in the hope of finding some quickie food. He managed to find some energy bars, a carton of milk and some chocolate pudding. Satisfied with his raid, he headed back to his room.

 

“I come bearing gifts”, Dean announced as he opened the door to his room. His eyes swept the room when he saw Cas wasn’t on Kevin’s bed anymore.

 

“Here!”, said Cas and he turned to find him sitting on his bed playing with Arwen. “Oh good you found food because I’m starving!”

 

Dean gulped and walked over to him and sat down on the edge. “I’ll get glasses”, he said softly and found two mugs on a shelf in the room. Cas was already tearing through a bar as he poured out two glasses of milk and handed one to him before going over to Arwen’s bowl and putting some for her.

 

“Arwen! C’mere girl, there’s milk”, Dean said.

 

The kitten lithely jumped off the bed and walked over to her bowl and started drinking its contents. Dean went to his bed and sat down, tearing open a bar as he did and taking a rather big bite. They feasted in silence until they were both satisfied.

 

“Do you think we’ll have to go give our tests tomorrow?”, Cas asked as he absently scratched behind Arwen’s ears who had returned to her position on his lap.

 

“Well, from what Michael told me, the last time there was a blackout and blizzard, they cancelled everything. When the weather got better and they finally managed to get the electricity back, they gave them maybe three days before starting administering the tests. Based on that, I think we’re going to be in the same situation”, he said and suppressed a rather large yawn.

 

“I think we need an early night. Could I borrow some pyjamas for the night?”

 

Dean had never shared his clothes before and sharing them with anyone, especially Cas who he happened to _like_ , was very new territory for him. “Um, sure.”

 

He walked over to his closet to retrieve his own pyjamas along with another for Cas. What he did not expect, was a shirtless Cas holding out his hand for them.

 

“Um… Uh…” _Holy fucking shit he’s ten levels of gorgeous. I guess swimming pays off way better than anything._ His torso was toned with slight outlines of muscles and when he looked toward his waist, he saw very prominent hipbones. All in all, he was trying not to drool since he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from his body.

 

“Dean? You okay?”, Cas asked concern filling his voice as he took the pyjamas from his hands. Still entranced, it took Cas snapping his fingers to get him out of fantasy land.

 

“Huh? What? Yeah. Gonna... go to the… right…”, said Dean dazedly and quickly ran off to the bathroom and locked himself in.

 _Breathe you moron!_ But he couldn’t; his breathing was erratic and heart raced. If he thought he didn’t like Cas before, he was most definitely into him now. _Why do I always pick the ones I can never have?_ Dejection overpowered his being as he stood up. He changed into his pyjamas fast and brushed his teeth and summoned whatever dignity he had left before he went back to the room.

 

Cas was situated on his bed, Arwen sleeping in his arms. Dean’s heart melted and his knees felt weak. Cas was a beautiful human being and he had less than a broken egg’s chance with him.

 

He sat down on his bed cross legged waiting for Cas to move so that he could lay down and try to sleep. Cas set down Arwen at a spot near Dean’s pillow and covered her up so that she wouldn’t feel cold.

 

“Shall we?”, Cas said as he shifted on the bed and got inside the covers. Dean was puzzled, they’re supposed to sleep on separate beds not the same one. They’re _friends,_ not _companions_.

 

“It’s too cold and I don’t think I’ll be sleeping much if I keep shivering all night. This is only to keep warm, no other reason. If you aren’t okay with it, I’ll sleep in Kevin’s bed”, Cas offered as an explanation.

 

Dean shook his head. “N-no. It’s fine.” He slipped in next to Cas on the side where his kitten was sound asleep.

 

“We’ll sleep with our backs against each other. That way, we can stay warm and it won’t be awkward.”

 

Convinced, Dean turned his back toward Cas and lay down on his pillow. “Good night Cas.”

 

“Good night Dean.”


	5. Good Times Bad Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A stranger visits in the night and Dean acknowledges his feelings for Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is overtly delayed and I apologize profusely. I have been caught up with several tv shows and books and have suffered an intense writers block which i think is now gone and i should be posting more often.
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience!

Dean’s eyes snapped open in panic. _What was that?!_ Arwen was looking at him with wide eyes and he brought her closer to him. “It’s gonna be okay”, he said to her softly and brushed his lips against her head. He moved as quietly as possible to avoid jostling Cas awake only to find it completely unnecessary. Dean sat up and looked around the dark room trying to figure out where he was.

 

“Cas?”, he called out cautiously. There was no answer and a small panic started to rise inside him and he slid out of bed. Before he could take a single step, a loud thud sounded outside his door followed by giggles. Dean squinted his eyes at the door and walked toward it cautiously.

 

The doorknob twisted and Dean got ready to attack whoever walked in. What he did not expect was Cas stumbling in followed by another man and them trying to suppress their laughs. When Cas finally saw Dean, his expression snapped into one of seriousness.

 

“What’s going on?”, Dean asked as he crossed his arms across his chest and looked between the two.

 

“Uh, I’m sorry if I- we- woke you”, Cas said sheepishly and flashed a smile to the stranger.

 

“Who’re you?”, Dean asked the man in an unceremonious voice.

 

“I-“, the man started but Cas cut him off.

 

“He’s my boyfriend, Ryan. He came through the blizzard to surprise me”, Cas offered as an explanation.

 

Dean nodded and went to shook hands with Ryan but inside, his stomach was churning and all he wanted was to pass out and pretend whatever was happening was a bad dream and that when he woke up, Cas was sleeping next to him.

 

“Well, uh… I’m going to go back to sleep. You guys can take Kevin’s bed. Just don’t- no funny business”, Dean said and walked back over to his bed and slipped inside the covers and tried his hardest not to hurt. He felt a weight settle on the bed and a hand on his shoulder over the blankets.

 

“You okay with this?”, Cas asked him.

 

Dean didn’t turn around and nodded before tugging an edge of the blanket closer and snuggling into it. He nuzzled into Arwen’s small form and took comfort from her as he tried to slip into blissful unconsciousness.

 

When he woke up the next morning, he hoped that everything had been a bad dream. Taking a deep breath, he turned over to check. _Yep, still here._ He sighed and got up, heading toward the bathroom as quietly as possible to get dressed.

 

After he came out, he decided he couldn’t be in the same room anymore. He went over to his desk and wrote a short note for Cas.  Once he was done, he walked around putting some of Arwen’s things in his book bag, scooped her up and glanced one final time at the two sleeping forms on Kevin’s bed before closing the door behind him gently and heading downstairs.

 

The snowing had stopped but that didn’t mean his journey would be easy. The snow shovelling had started to clear the roads and Dean trudged along through the white evil ice wishing for a magic carpet to get to Charlie’s apartment faster.

 

It took him much longer than it would’ve but he finally made it. Letting out a breath of relief, he walked toward the building as fast as possible and rang the buzzer.

 

“Who is it?”, Charlie’s voice crackled on the intercom.

 

“It’s me. Let me in.”

 

The door buzzed loudly and he opened it gratefully, running up to Charlie’s apartment. The door was open when he got there and after putting down his bag and shrugging off his jacket, he shook his head and legs like a dog to get rid of the snow.

 

“Bad Dean! Very bad!”, Charlie called out as she walked out of the kitchen.

 

Dean scoffed and replied, “Woof woof.”

 

“What’s up? Kev said you got yourself a kitty cat”, she said as she gave Dean a tight hug that he was thankful for.

 

“Yeah. Where’d she go? Arwen!”, he called for her and she trotted into the room coming to a stop near his feet.

 

Dean bent down and picked her up as Charlie cooed. “Can I hold her?”, she asked.

 

“Hell yeah. Don’t ask just take her”, he said with a smile on his face and held out the pretty feline to Charlie.

 

“Hello there pretty girl! How are you? Are you cold? Do you want some milk? Let’s get you some milk!”, Charlie said in a mollifying voice as she walked toward the kitchen.

 

Dean got her bowl out from his bag and followed her into the kitchen and set it on the counter. Arwen leapt around on the counter to get to her bowl. She sniffed around it and nudged it with her muzzle and looked up at Dean with a disappointed look and meowed.

 

“Don’t give me that look. Charlie’s heating some milk up for you”, Dean retorted. He scrubbed a hand across his face and looked over to where Charlie was pouring warm milk into the bowl and tried not to look too glum.

 

“Dean, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

 

 _Dammit. I need to learn to hide my expressions more._ “It’s nothing, Charlie.”

 

“It’s not nothing because it’s got you all moody. What happened?”

 

Dean looked at her with a hopeless look in his eyes and took a breath before saying, “Have you mentioned anything about Cas to Kevin?”

 

Charlie shook her head. “Is he asleep?”, Dean asked and glanced back to where he assumed Kevin was.

 

“Yeah. Dean, what happened?”

 

“Let’s go to the living room and talk”, he said and walked out of the kitchen. He sat down on the couch and waited until Charlie sat down with Arwen in her arms.

 

Dean turned toward her and began his story, “Yesterday, Cas came over to tutor me in my room instead of me meeting up with him at the library because I had to take care of Arwen. We studied for a few hours and then the storm hit and Kevin called to tell me and then the lights went out. So, we were stuck in the dark for hours. Control yourself.”

 

Charlie had squealed when he’d said ‘stuck in the dark’ and proceeded to pout in response to Dean’s admonishing remark.

 

“Okay, moving on. We were sitting on different beds, he was on Kevin’s, across from mine and we got bored so we played twenty questions. I ended up asking him a question that got me more than I bargained for and then we got hungry so I went to get food. When I got back, he was sitting with Arwen on _my_ bed and was playing with her. I ignored it and we split up the food and ate. I don’t think we talked about anything at that time. Then, we got sleepy and I went to get him a spare pair of pyjamas and when I turned he-“, Dean paused and gulped lightly, steeling himself for what was about to happen. “He was standing in front of me. Shirtless.”

 

At this point, Charlie’s eyes were positively wide with surprise and glee. She controlled herself to an extent before asking, “Did you look?” A light flush crept up Dean’s neck when he remembered Cas shirtless. _Oh I did. I looked a lot._

 

“Not important”, Dean mumbled. “Anyway, I gave him the pyjamas, went to the bathroom, got dressed, came back out and he was waiting for me, next to my bed. He was waiting because he wanted to sleep _next to me_ on _my bed_ in _one blanket_. His reason was that he couldn’t sleep because it wouldn’t be warm enough and he didn’t ‘want to shiver all night’”, he said the last part using air quotes.

 

“Go on”, Charlie said in a husky whisper and continued to stare at Dean with a starstruck look.

 

“We slept with our backs against each other and then something woke me up and my bed was empty. Next thing I know, he’s stumbling in followed by another guy and he introduces him as his boyfriend who came to surprise him. They slept on Kevin’s bed after that. I didn’t want to be there anymore so, first thing in the morning I woke up and left to come here.”

 

Dean was exhausted. The events of the night before had triggered strange dreams that he hadn’t deigned to think about which was good.

 

“Hey, it’s okay, it’ll be okay. You’ll find someone different and this will pass”, Charlie consoled him and squeezed his hands.

 

It was embarrassing, he was suffering from heartbreak. _I wasn’t even_ in _a relationship with him and I feel like I got dumped._ Dean shook his head and looked at Charlie who’s eyes were full of sympathy.

 

“I told him things Charlie, things I haven’t even told you guys and I just feel betrayed that he didn’t tell me that he already had someone in his life. It would’ve saved me all this… all these _feelings._ I don’t like feeling like this”, he confessed agitation clear in his tone.

 

“I know sweetie, I’ve been where you are and I had to go at it alone. But I’m here for you and I will help you get through this. So, how about some food?”

 

Dean smiled and nodded and they both headed into the kitchen to start making some bacon and pancakes.

 

**

 

_“Come on Cas! Stop being a spoilt sport!”_

_Dean? What’s he doing here?_

_“Wait! I’m coming! Slow down!”_

_“Come on Cas! Faster!”, Dean calls out running ahead of him._

_Cas tries his hardest to run faster and faster after him and suddenly they’re at the edge of a cliff, looking down into a swirling mass of blue and froth._

_“We have to jump!”, Dean says and looks at him with his hand outstretched._

_“No Dean! We can’t! We’ll die!”_

_Worry courses through him as Dean laughs and walks closer to the precipice._

_“It’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Trust me.”_

_“No, I can’t and you shouldn’t. Come away from the edge, it’s not safe.”_

_“It’s perfectly safe, Cas. Just copy what I do.”_

_Dean walks to the edge and spreads his arms out against the harsh wind and starts to tip forward._

_“DEAN! NO! STOP!”, Cas yells and tries to move but he can’t, he feel sluggish and taking even one step feels difficult._

_Dean tips over and he falls, falls into the vortex beneath, lost._

_“DEAN!”_

Cas wakes with a start, his eyes snapping open and his breath ragged, like he’d run a marathon. He feels an arm draped over his waist and he turns his head expectantly only to be disappointed.

 

”What have I done?”, he mutters darkly and turns to look around for Dean. He doesn’t see him anywhere and he feels an odd tug inside him. Ignoring the sensation, he gets out of bed and walks around, hoping to find some clues as to his whereabouts and sees a folded piece of paper on his pillow.

 

**_Gone out. Don’t know when I’ll be back. Lock up before you leave. -DW_ **

****

It felt cold, impersonal even; like an order to be gone before he returned.

“God DAMMIT!”, he yells loudly and crumples the paper into a ball and throws it angrily. He runs a hand across his face and turns when he hears a groan behind him.

 

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”, Ryan said and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

 

“You. You are. Why did you have to come last night? How did you even _find_ me?”, Cas asked in an icy tone.

 

“Your neighbour told me. What did I do wrong?”, Ryan asked with a perplexed expression.

 

“I want you gone. We’re over. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

 

Ryan’s eyes widen and he scrambled out of bed. He walked over to where Cas was standing and tried to touch him but Cas flinched away, taking a step backwards. Hurt filled his eyes and before he could open his mouth to speak, Cas started.

 

“We aren’t together. I needed you to satisfy me, a fuck buddy. I told you what I wanted and you were willing. Coming over last night the way you did was not acceptable. I’m done with you.”

 

“But… we’re good together! Everything was so amazing between us. I thought you loved me”, Ryan uttered the last part in a whisper.

 

Cas let out a laugh before shaking his head. “No, Ryan, I don’t love you. We were an arrangement and I’m ending it now. Leave, we’re done. And please, don’t beg, it’s unbecoming.” Cas walked off into the bathroom leaving a very hurt Ryan in his wake.

 

While brushing his teeth, Cas heard the door slam and he visibly relaxed. His shoulders sagged and he grasped the edge of the sink lost in thought.

 

He was upset when Ryan had showed up the night before, more so because he was with Dean. He didn’t want him to learn of his dispositions with Ryan. More than anything, he was dismayed at not being able to sleep next to Dean. Before Ryan had showed up and Dean was fast asleep, he had snuggled up against him spooning and wrapped an arm around him. It had felt amazing to hold him that close, his scent had been intoxicating. Leaving him and sleeping with his lover had been an obligation, one that he hadn’t enjoyed in the least.

 

_Dean Winchester what are you doing to me?_

 

He sighed loudly as he went around the room grabbing on his clothes. He needed to find a way to make it up to him and as he looked around the desk, his eyes spotted a book. Sliding it out from under the pile, he gazed at the title and his eyes lit up. He grabbed a new piece of paper from the notepad lying there and started writing.

 

 

**

 

Dean and Kevin returned later that evening after dinner. Kevin was more than happy when they got back and he opened the door to their room. Sometime in the day, by some miracle, the power had been restored which was a relief for everyone and had warranted a hot shower. “Home sweet home”, he announced as the door swung open and they walked in. Dean tried not to think about the morning when his eyes drifted to Kevin’s unmade bed. Stepping in, he walked over to Arwen’s box and placed her in it before walking over to his bed and sitting down heavily. His gaze shifted and he looked around. The room was kind of a mess but not too bad. He decided to take a shower and walked over to his closet to get his pyjamas out and he spotted the ones Cas had worn folded neatly on a shelf. He traded them for the ones he had picked out and walked over to his desk to check his phone.

 

His vision moved around, spotting a folded piece of paper. _That’s not mine_. Intrigued he picked it up and read the words, a wide smile forming on his face.

 

 

**_I apologize for what happened last night. I didn’t expect him to come over. I hope you can forgive me and we can move on._ **

****

**_As an apology, I would like to say-_ **

****

**_Please accept this humble fax. My need for you is without wax._ **

****

**_P.S- I know this isn’t a fax but just go with it._ **

 

Beaming excitedly, Dean grabbed his phone and texted Cas.

 

_Dean- Got your note. I understand. It’s okay. Apology accepted. Loved it, in fact._

Almost instantaneously, his phone dings with a reply.

 

_Cas- I’m glad you liked it. Can we meet tomorrow? You can come over if you’d like._

 

Dean deliberated. They did have time off and he was curious to see where and how Cas lived. Making up his mind, he typed quickly and sent the reply.

 

 

_Dean- Yeah sure. Sounds cool. What time?_

_Cas- Around 1? Is that okay? Also, bring Arwen._

Dean laughed loudly causing the little kitten to jump and hiss at him.

 

“Oh hush!”, he said to her.

 

_Dean- Sounds good. I’ll bring her along._

_Cas- Great! See you then._

Dean was excited, very excited and happy. He was going to see Cas tomorrow and it wasn’t for Halloween costume shopping or studying or because of a blackout; it was because he wanted to spend time with him. The revelation caused a rush of emotions to flow through him as he went off for a shower.

 

 


	6. Affairs of the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas invites Dean over to his apartment to talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is long overdue, all my apologies. Until further notice, this story will be on hiatus. The arc is not completely developed and I'm working on it. Hopefully, I'll get over the block and have more chapters for y'all soon.   
> Thank you for all the views and kudos! Much appreciated :D

Morning dawned bright and cold and after taking in a deep breath and stretching, Dean woke up and glanced around. Arwen was sleeping peacefully in her box, making him smile and then he remembered he was meeting Cas and he smiled wider, a full toothy smile that he couldn't help even if he wanted. He practically leapt out of bed and went to the bathroom and got started on his shower. When he got out, Arwen was walking around on his bed. He stared at her adoringly before scooping her up and putting her on the floor. He proceeded to fill her bowl up with milk and a little cat food and pet her gently.

 

Walking over to his closet, he looked in, trying to decide on a tshirt to wear.  He spotted one that he'd gotten recently with a blue skull print on it. Satisfied, he pulled out some jeans and got dressed. Quickly, he wore on his shoes and put a few of Arwen's things together in a bag and wrapped himself up in a warm jacket, beanie, gloves and scarf.

 

Picking up Arwen he said in the squeakiest voice possible, "Shotgun!"

 

Dramatically, he rolled his eyes at the cat and replied, "Whatever you say, pretty lady."

 

Chuckling, he walked out and started walking in the direction of Cas's apartment.

 

There was still plenty of snow heaped around on the streets but Dean didn't mind. He was too excited and happy to give a damn about the evil ice. Once he reached the intersection where he was supposed to turn, he pulled out his phone and dialled Cas's number to get his address.

 

"Hello?", a sleepy voiced Cas answered.

 

"Uh, hi. It's me, Dean. I was supposed to come over? I just wanted to ask what your address was."

 

"Oh shit, crap. Um, yeah. I hope you don't mind waiting while I get dressed."

 

The image of Cas shirtless flashed through Dean's mind and he felt warm everywhere.

 

"N-no. None. Ad-address?"

 

Cas rattled off directions and Dean tried to visualise them. "So… See you in ten minutes?"

 

Dean let out a small laugh. "Might take longer. There's a lot of snow which should give you enough time to get dressed."

 

"See you soon." The line went dead and Dean stood there a few minutes before crossing the street to where Cas's apartment was.

 

By the time he got there, he felt frozen and his feet were numb. He rang the buzzer and he was buzzed in instantaneously.  He walked awkwardly, not really being able to feel his limbs and when he got to the apartment, he found it was open with Cas waiting for him.

 

He couldn't help it. Seeing Cas standing there dressed in sweatpants and a Tom and Jerry tshirt with slightly tousled but somewhat floppy hair caused an eye crinkling smile to appear on his face. 

 

"Hey", Dean greeted softly and his gaze shifted to the floor.

 

"Come on in, Winchester", Cas said and stepped aside so Dean could come in. "Where's your better half?"

 

Dean scoffed and opened his jacket where Arwen was sitting nuzzled into his chest. "Hello beautiful! I missed you!", Cas said and reached inside his jacket to bring her out. Dean froze when the back of Cas's hand touched his chest through his shirt and he couldn't help taking in a shallow breath. The heat had raced everywhere thawing his entire body.

 

Cas stepped away with his prize and cradled the cat in his arms, playing with her. “Well don’t just keep standing there, Olaf!”, Cas said bringing Dean out of his stupor. “Who’re you calling ‘Olaf’”, he muttered under his breath and shrugged out of his jacket and boots.

 

He followed the path Cas had taken through the apartment and found him in his bedroom, making Arwen chase a little wind up mouse around.

 

“I hope you don’t mind, I used to have a cat so I brought out some old toys for her to play around with”, Cas offered as explanation. Dean nodded and sat down at the edge of the bed, waiting for Cas to explain what had happened the night before.

 

He hadn’t said a word except laugh at something that the feline did and Dean was getting impatient. If Cas wouldn’t bring it up, he definitely would. Summoning up some courage, he spoke.

 

“Cas?”

 

“Hm?”, he said, barely glancing in Dean’s direction.

 

“What h-happened two nights ago?”

 

“What do you mean what happened?”

 

 _He’s denying it?_ Dean was getting a little irked at Cas’s nonchalance. The only reason he’s been even _remotely_ acceptable of a stranger entering his personal space was because he was with Cas.

 

“Cas, quit playing around. Why was that guy, what’s his name, Ryan? Why was he there that night, when you slept over? The only reason I didn’t protest is because he was with you. You have to understand, I can’t _stand_ strangers in my _space_.”

 

Cas had finally turned to look at Dean and was intently focussed on him. He had a pleading look in his eyes and Cas gave in, glancing at the bed before looking back up at him.

 

“Dean… you have to understand something about me.”

 

Dean nodded, silently urging him to go on.

 

“After what happened with my ex, I haven’t been ready to… I haven’t been actively seeking a new person to _be_ with”, Cas paused.

 

“So…? What’s Ryan?”, Dean asked before he could stop himself.

 

“Just because I don’t want to be with someone doesn’t mean I don’t have… certain… _needs._ ”

 

Dean’s eyebrows furrowed together before he realized what Cas meant and felt uneasy. “Doesn’t that make you uh… A uh…”, Dean trailed off.

 

“A slut?”, Cas completed for him and let a small laugh escape. “No Dean, that’s what I want you to understand. In my opinion, people have a very myriad definition of who to call a slut. If a partner cheats on them with someone else, yes, that would qualify for the person to be called one. Au contraire, a person who _chooses_ to not be in a romantic relationship but engages in sexual relationships where both parties understand that it is an arrangement for pleasure and nothing more will come out of it, that person is not a slut. Do you get where I’m going with this?”, Cas quirked an eyebrow at Dean.

 

Dean nodded but Cas still put it into words. “Ryan and myself were an arrangement, only to fulfil carnal desires and nothing else. And as of recently, especially with the stunt he pulled two days ago, I ended it with him.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened at Cas’s words and smiled unable to hide it and instead looking down as a blush crept up his neck. He’d hoped Cas wouldn’t notice but that walked out the window when Cas asked, “What’re you smiling about?”

 

Dean just shook his head and tried to get back to normal. He still had a shot with Cas.

 

The day went by in a haze of hysterical laughing and chasing each other around the apartment. When they had exhausted their reserves of energy, they found themselves sprawled over the floor and couch. Arwen was asleep on Dean’s chest whose leg hung off the couch and Cas was trying to catch his breath who was laid out on the floor.

 

Dean’s eyes were closed and was idly stroking Arwen when Cas spoke.

 

“Dean?”

 

“Hmm?”

“Have you ever been in love? Or like, had a girlfriend?”

 

Dean blushed yet again and was thankful that Cas couldn’t see him. “No, Cas, no girlfriend. No boyfriend either”, he finished softly.

 

“Wait- you’re bisexual?”, Cas said as he sat up. Dean nodded at him from where he was on the couch.

 

“Do you like someone right now?”

 

 _Oh no. Crap. He knows._ “N-no…”, he stuttered out.

 

Cas tilted his head in an oh-really way. “Who is it?”

 

Dean’s stomach twisted in knots and he looked away from Cas and didn’t answer.

 

“Dean!”, he whined. “Come on! Who is it? Please? Pretty please?”

 

 

Dean turned in Cas’s direction to find him pouting with the most adorable puppy eyes that even _he_ couldn’t imagine. “You don’t want to know…”, he said softly.

 

Cas rolled his eyes. “Oh come on! If I didn’t want to know, would I be asking you? Tell me, please?”

 

“I don’t know how to tell the person I like them when they’re sitting right in front of me”, Dean said in barely a whisper.

 

“What?”, Cas asked dumbfounded. “Dean, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

 

Dean nodded slowly. Cas sat kneeling besides the couch absorbing the information. He hadn’t said anything and Dean was getting worried that he’d maybe offended him in some way.

 

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s probably just a crush it’ll go away soon”, Dean said in an attempt to lighten the situation.

 

“No”, Cas said and Dean looked at him with confusion on his face.

 

“I think I have a crush on you too.”


	7. When the Levee Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a hard time coping with his current situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is back y'all! But I am crazy busy so don't expect quick updates. But I have a lot planned so, it'll be worth the wait I think. Raise your hands if you're doing GISHWHES!

Relief coursed through Dean and he let out a shaky laugh, settling back into the couch and smiling giddily at the ceiling. He hadn’t been rejected, hadn’t been laughed at and had managed to not completely freak out like a boy who got asked out by the captain of the baseball team at the homecoming game where he came out to the entire school. Well, it seemed a bit dramatic for Dean to imagine Castiel doing that because Castiel doesn’t play baseball but swims competitively. With that an image of Castiel dripping wet after an event at a swim meet wormed its way in and turning into the couch and biting his lip was the only way to keep his mouth and brain from causing any more trouble.

 

It felt to Dean as though there was some kind of awkwardness that lingered between them when Castiel stood in the doorway to see him off. That pause or hesitation where you think that there would be consequences or results that should be making themselves known after a very big confession. In that moment, Dean didn’t know if he should give him a hug, kiss his cheek or shake his hand awkwardly. The last one would’ve been the worst choice and he shuddered at that as he walked back to his dorm with Arwen snug in his arms.

 

“It wasn’t that bad was it?” The cat tilted her head and gave him a look that basically told him there were no fucks given. “Yeah, I’m just panicking for no reason.”

 

Feeling faintly reassured he assessed the goodbye they’d had like he would assess a car. They hadn’t done any of the things that Dean had thought of. Castiel had stood there, all beauty and grace and he didn’t know if it was a trick of the eyes but Dean had thought that Castiel had imperceptibly tilted forward. After some uncomfortable laughing and shy smiling, he had waved and walked away without looking back for fear of Cas noticing his unbelievably red face.

 

Dean shook his head and made his way through the now cleaned streets. It had started snowing again, the flakes falling slowly and he tried to walk as fast as he so that it wouldn’t completely soak through is clothes and socks. The idea of his socks being wet was a nightmare for him, he hated wet socks.

 

Shivering and relieved, he arrived at his dorm and raced up to his room. Kevin was there playing a game while Charlie was working on something on her own computer and was seated on Kevin’s bed.

 

“Hey,” Dean greeted as he walked in. Charlie looked up and faster than lightning, reached Dean and grabbed him.

 

“Tell. Me. Everything.” Her voice was hissed and there was a crazy light in her eyes. Dean let himself be dragged by her to his bed and they sat down. Dean set Arwen down and she scampered off toward her own little corner of the room. He shrugged off his jacket, removed his shoes and made himself more comfortable on his bed. Charlie let out a sound of annoyance and a smile made its way to his lips.

 

“Are you done princess?” Charlie asked with impatience lacing her every word. Giving her a sweet smile, Dean launched into a blow-by-blow account of The Day with Castiel.

 

By the end, Dean was sure he had surely lost his hearing in his right ear. Charlie’s squeals of delight had been just shy of the ultrasonic range. When he had told her about confessing to Cas about him being his crush and Cas had confessed as well, Dean was sure all of university would’ve heard her. If there was any conclusion to be made from this, it was that he had made Charlie happy more than anything else. Kevin had joined in after hearing the commotion through his headphones and had congratulated him on the news.

 

“So what now?” Charlie was eager to say the least and had Dean stumped. He hadn’t given it much thought actually. Seeing Charlie and Kevin in the room had delayed his plans of contemplating and he was currently speechless. The smile from his face faltered and he turned away to pick at random loose threads on the blanket.

 

“I don’t know… haven’t given it any thought.” This was one of those times where his line of thought teetered on spiralling into a whole lot of crazy. He’d told Cas, Cas had said “me too”. What did that mean? What did they mean to each other now? How would they go from here? Dean hadn’t been in a relationship since middle school. Rhonda Hurley had been quite the catch and he remembered the time he’d spent with her with fondness. It had been his first and last heterosexual relationship. Rhonda had played a key role in his coming to terms with who he really was. Who else could’ve managed to convince him to wear pink lace panties and not be surprised when he had sheepishly admitted that he _enjoyed_ the feeling of wearing them? She had been a fantastic friend and confidante until she moved away. He hadn’t spoken to her in over a decade and absently wondered about where she was now.

Dean felt Charlie shift and fingers stroke his hair comfortingly. “Hey, it’s okay. It’ll work out. You’re meant to be together.” He gave her a small smile and snuggled further into the blankets, lost in faraway thoughts and imaginings.

 

The next two months leading up to midterms were, to say the least, equivalent to getting tortured in hell every day. The reason: Castiel Novak. Not only was Dean not very far off in terms of him and Cas negatively but his depression decided to give him company too.

 

He’d naively assumed that the next time that they met, there would be some sort of conversation, talk or discussion regarding where they now stood with each other. Instead, Cas decided to pretend as though it had never happened and went on to treat Dean as he had been since they’d met. Each time they met he hoped, every evening he prayed and while studying his ears strained to hear the ping on his phone indicating a text had been received and it asking Dean to come over to talk. Nothing like that happened at all. There were times when he wondered if the entire thing had been a dream and that’s why Cas was acting that way. But then he remembered Charlie and what he’d told her and the snow that day and he’d know it had happened. The stinging would get worse every time he’d see or meet with Cas.

 

The whole situation was causing his entire life to get disrupted. His concentration waned in class and tutoring barely registered. He was losing his mind and the voice that had been silent for so long was coming back to taunt him. Sleeping became problematic causing him to get maybe two hours of sleep every night. Dean Winchester was his own worst enemy and it was Castiel’s fault.

 

Two weeks before midterms, Castiel had started to schedule tutoring sessions every day in an attempt to get Dean somewhat concerned for them. With the extra sessions, Dean wasn’t feeling motivated just extremely stressed. His appetite started vanishing and with it the desire to do anything. Each night, silent tears slipped for hours because his mind was assaulting him with derision.

 

_You’re nothing!_

_HAHAHAHAHAHA! You’re going to_ fail. _Prove everyone right._

_Why do you even try? You’re not going to make it. You’re weak and pathetic._

_Oh look! Tears again! Like a puppy that can’t lift a paw to defend himself._

_Like what you see in the mirror? Because I sure as hell know you don’t._

_You really think you have_ friends _?! They’re liars! They just put up with you because they don’t want to hurt your itty bitty feelings._

_Castiel thinks you’re a sad little charity case. He didn’t escaped his boyfriend to get stuck with a baby like you._

_Your mother helped you because she_ had _to, not because she_ loves _you. She’d rather not see your face around anymore._

The ranting would go on hour after hour with memories being twisted and turned into something barely recognizable. Dean would lay in his bed, anguished and silent. He knew he shouldn’t believe what the voice was throwing at him but he couldn’t help it. Years of abuse and bullying had left him shattered and extremely susceptible to negative thoughts. It had become easier for him to accept the bad but not the good, to believe that he wasn’t deserving of happiness or positive thinking. Sometimes when the pain became too much, he would have to leave the room in search of an empty place where he would end up sobbing for hours languishing in pain.

 

After a long and harrowing day where he’d been asked by the professor to stay back he was headed to a tutoring session with Castiel at the library. Each session had become a source of dread for Dean and his stomach twisted badly enough that he doubled over and let out a little groan before catching his breath and moving on. The professor had been concerned about Dean’s lack of mental presence in his classes and had noticed the very bad dark circles under his eyes. He was mulling over the professor’s request to go see the counsellor on campus when he found himself at a table with Castiel sat in a chair looking at Dean reproachfully.

 

“You’re late.” The lack of greeting and annoyed tone weren’t lost on Dean and it hurt a bit as he sat down next to him and took out his notebooks and books. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled and flipped his book open to a topic guaranteed to come in the midterms. He didn’t feel the need to explain himself to Cas and sat with his shoulders sagging. Dean heard Cas let out a huff but didn’t look up. He noticed Cas pull his book toward him to reference the topic and began explaining it. After Cas finished his explanation, he assigned Dean five questions to solve. With little delay and silent exasperation, Dean started on the first question.

 

Pulling the book toward him, he made to read the question.

 

 _“Given a…”_ Barely two words in, they started jumbling together. He couldn’t make heads or tails of what was being asked. As inconspicuously as he could, he shook his head and gave himself a small slap to clear it again. The word jumbling hadn’t happened since middle school. He didn’t understand why it would happen now as panic slowly eased its way into his veins. Dean could feel the heat build-up, his breathing become labored and sweat make its presence known with his clammy hands. _Calm down, Dean. You can do this; you’ve done this a thousand times before. Come on, eye on the ball. It’s easy, you know what you have to do._

 

With renewed calm and concentration, he gave the question another go. The words stayed in their place this time and Dean understood what was being asked of him. Seeing the ease of it, he quickly got into it and solved it. _Good job! Next one now._ The second one had barely a twist to it but he figured it out and was done with quickly. The next was a bit more difficult and stumped him for a good 10 minutes before he figured out the hook. But the fourth one was what got him and where he’d been stuck for the past 18 minutes. He kept trying known methods and solutions, twisting his way into some sort of viable answer but came up empty.

 

“Where are you stuck?” Cas’s voice snapped Dean out from his concentration causing him to jump slightly in his chair. “You’ve been staring at that page and making nonsense solutions for the better part of a half hour now.” Dean felt a small prick of pain and his inner demon latched on to it like the hungry creature it was. _Even he knows you’re incompetent. I bet he’s going to sigh and tell you that you only had to twist one little unit and it’d be solved. Pathetic._

 

Dean snapped at the voice to shut up mentally and looked over to where Cas was glancing at his work so far.

 

“You got stuck on the fourth one huh? That was worth getting stuck on. I’ll show you how you get around it so if there’s something similar you won’t be so worried.”

 

Dean felt relief wash over him and listened attentively as Cas explained the solution to him. Once he was done, Dean took the notebook and tried the next question which he found was much simpler. Then he tried the fourth question again and found it much easier to solve. When he was done, they moved on to a more difficult topic and one that Dean had had a lot of difficulty with in class. After an hour and a half, they were still on it and Dean had been asking repeatedly for repeat explanations. It just wasn’t sticking.

 

“What’s so difficult about this Dean?! I’ve already explained it to you fifteen times!” Cas said angrily and stabbed at the notebook between them.

 

Dean instantly became uncomfortable and scared. “I-I j-just… It-it’s… I c-can’t s-see i-i-it.”

 

Cas stood up and got into his face. “What do you mean you can’t “see it” Dean? I drew it for you! It shouldn’t be this hard.” This new side of Cas was making Dean very scared and emotionally unstable. Taking a deep breath, he tried to explain why he wasn’t getting it.

 

“I n-nee-eed to vis-visuali-ize it as a-an exam-ple from the phys-sical envi-environment.”

 

“Why is this so hard?” Cas’s voice was low and full of frustration and probably wasn’t meant for Dean to hear but he did and hurt stabbed at him with a ferocity he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He ducked his head and willed his throat to stop hurting and the tears to stop coming but it didn’t work. One then two and soon it was a torrent. He couldn’t believe that Cas would say such a thing. He’d trusted Cas when he’d told him about what had happened when he was younger, trusted him when he’d told him that he liked him. This kind of betrayal was practically unknown to him and his breath hitched.

 

Castiel heard it and Dean heard him sigh as though this entire situation was somehow a pain in the ass for him. _I told you so…_ The voice drawled from a corner. That was the last straw and Dean grabbed his backpack and threw in whatever books were on the table in it. As he stood up and turned to leave he threw the words at Cas. “Then _why did you come here?_ ”

 

Dean didn’t hear Cas call out to him as he ran out of the library and into the pelting rain. He ran as fast as he could through the weather that very conveniently reflected his current state and made it to his room. Luckily there was no one when he walked in allowing him to sob openly now. His back to the door, he slid down it and hung his head between his knees. Tears dripped freely down his face, the only source of warmth as his clothes cooled and shivers and sobs became nearly indiscernible.

 

“Why me?” He mumbled to no one. “What di-id I do th-that I hav-ve to suf-suffer like thi-is?” He sat like that, for the rest of the evening in his too wet clothes shivering and sobbing as his mind assaulted him with more pain. And he took it, he took all of it. Some twisted and messed up part of him believed he deserved it and so it went on until Dean blacked out from the pain and the cold numbness that had slipped into his body.

 

 


	8. For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontations, conversations and confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost at 1000 views!! I can't thank all of you enough for getting this story this far. Thank you thank you thank you so so much!!!!

Charlie heard a chair scraping loudly with a somewhat familiar voice. Deciding to go see what was wrong, she walked toward the commotion only to catch a glimpse of Dean running into the pelting rain outside with a distraught Castiel standing at a table clutching at his hair in frustration before turning around and banging them on the table, startling her. Slightly angry and most concerned for her best friend, she stomped over to the table and in a menacing voice asked, “What did you do?”

 

Castiel looked up and frowned at her. “None of your business.”

 

Charlie’s eyes widened with surprise and insult. “Wh-wha- None of my- None of _my_ business?! _None_ of _my_ business?! Are you _KIDDING_ me?!” Her voice had risen to a shout and caught the attention of a few people around their table. “I saw my _best friend_ storm out of here like he’d just realized his mom had been lying to him for his whole _life_ and _you_ have the _nerve_ to say ‘none of your business’?! Castiel, how _dare you!_ ” Her voice turned threatening as she went on, “What did you do?”

 

Castiel stared at her the entire time. To think that a person as tiny as her had intimidated him seemed unimaginable but here it was, happening right in front of his eyes.

 

Sighing and rubbing at the back of his neck he started. “I might’ve been impatient with him.”

 

“ _Might_ or _were?_ ” Charlie was taking none of his bullshit. She wasn’t her beloved Princess but she was sure as hell Queen.

 

His head hung low and he muttered a response. “I was impatient with him.”

 

“Why?”

 

He was becoming exasperated and her questions verging on personal. But he _had_ hurt Dean when he’d had no right to do anything like that. He was his student after all and teachers are supposed to be patient no matter how difficult it gets.

 

“I got a call today that put me in a bad mood. Dean wasn’t understand what I was explaining to him and kept asking me to help him visualize it and I lost my temper and said some hurtful things.”

 

“Okay, I’m going to be decent enough and _not_ ask you about the phone call but you had absolutely no right to say what you did to him. He’s more stressed than you can imagine. Dean thinks Kevin doesn’t know but he does. He’s been going away in the middle of the night and sometimes at night he cries. He’s so stressed out and you just made it worse for him. _And_ you haven’t acknowledged his feelings either. That’s another thing that’s been eating at him. Don’t give him hope and then break it. He doesn’t deserve that. You need to ease up on him Castiel. Dean told me that one of your rules was to be friends and right now, you aren’t acting very much like one. So, were those just words or did you just say them to gain his trust? Treat him better, nicer and with more love. Exam time is harder on him as compared to anyone because of everything he’s been through. Take the pressure off and make studying fun, he understands best when that happens. Michael used to do it all the time and he did great. Also, getting back to it again, _why haven’t you talked about your feelings for him?_ ”

 

Charlie was as close to Castiel as she could be and a flash of pain, guilt and hurt was reflected on his face for a moment before he ducked his head and gathered up his books. Charlie kept trying to catch his attention but when she realized he would be gone soon, she snatched up the remainder of his books before he could get to them and held them out of reach.

 

“Give them to me, Charlie.” Castiel’s voice was firm and his hand outstretched as he waited for Charlie to hand over the books.

 

Charlie shook her head. “You’re going to tell me why you’re hurting Dean by not talking about the fact that you like him and stringing him along.”

 

“I can’t do this right now Charlie.” The anger was clear in his voice but that didn’t deter her from getting an answer.

 

“Tell me now. Or I will throw all of these out into the rain and you can cry about your lost notes.”

 

“Charlie, please. Hand them over.”

She squinted at him and tried to figure out her leverage. “You know, I saw something on your face before. What’re you hiding?”

 

Fear and panic were quickly replaced with anger as Castiel snatched his books from Charlie arm. Getting as in her face as he could he said coldly, “None of your business.”

 

Charlie was shaken by the encounter and watched frozen as he made his way out of the library. _He scares me_ , she thought before she went over to where her belongings were kept and decided to head back to her apartment. She realized that she should go over to check on Dean but the whole incident had left her feeling out of sorts and with slightly misty eyes, she left to go back to her home.

 

***

 

Dean was curled up and very uncomfortable on his floor and Arwen licking his face and trying to wake him up with her paws and repeated meowing was not helping the fantastic headache that was drowning out everything around him with its loud banging in his head.

 

“Hey there, baby girl.” Arwen meowed at him lovely and pressed her face against his in an attempt to give him some warmth. She was more than just surprised when Dean sneezed. “Oh god, oh no. I can’t-“

 

The kitten had jumped back at Dean’s sudden movement to get up from the floor and race to the bathroom and get into a hot shower. While the excessively hot temperature for his water set, he stripped out of crumpled and soggy clothes. The minute he stepped into the shower, he sighed with pleasure as the water restored his lost body heat and made him _feel_ again. His fingers and toes had pretty much gone numb and being able to feel them again felt like a gift.

 

After his very enjoyable shower, he felt a modicum of his happy self that he hadn’t felt in a while. That prompted a smile to grace his face and he wrapped himself in his fluffy robe and stepped out to grab some clothes. Finding the softest flannel coupled with the warmest shirt and jacket wasn’t too hard and before long, he’d settled into his favorite nest of blankets with a book. He knew he needed to check his phone but as of that moment, he couldn’t be bothered with what anyone had to say. He had felt happy again after months, despite what had happened earlier that day and he wasn’t going to let anyone ruin that. To add to his happiness, he bent over the edge of his bed to pick up his kitten. “You’re getting big!” Dean grunted slightly as he placed her on his lap when he’d settled into his blankets. Arwen only looked at him with what he interpreted as a smirk and could only smile wider. He scratched behind her ears and neck, earning a string of purrs before picking up his book again and placing it in front of her to read.

 

Time passed and Dean barely noticed. Kevin had texted that he was studying with a friend and would be staying most of the night at the library and might come home in the early hours of the morning. Dean wasn’t too bothered about it and decided to get some food from the kitchen. _I guess it’s going to be ramen again tonight._ Stretching a bit, he grabbed a ramen cup and headed out to the kitchen where he made his noodles and came back. The weatherman had predicted a chilly night and as he passed a window in the hallway, he took a moment to look out and feel it. Before it started causing emotional turmoil, he walked away and to his room where his nest of warm blankets and kitten awaited.

 

After dinner and a sufficient amount of reading, he decided to call his mom up. They hadn’t talked in a while and he missed her like crazy. Picking up his phone he dialled and waited for her to pick up.

 

“Hello?” Just her voice had his shoulders relaxing and a sigh of joy escaping his lips.

 

“Hi, mom. How are you?”

“I’m good sweetie. How’s college treating you? How’s your new tutor?” Her mentioning Castiel brought every single moment from when he’d met him to flash across his mind causing him a bitter hurt. Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes trying to will the pain and lump in his throat away before he spoke.

 

“Honey, is everything okay?” He could hear the concern in her voice and it made him want to break down. Tears were on the verge of appearing in his eyes and it was becoming difficult for him to maintain his composure.

 

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Lying never worked, she always knew but this time he prayed that she wouldn’t notice that he was upset.

 

“Dean, I know you. Is he bothering you?” Dean couldn’t take it. Everything from the moment they met came pouring out. She listened patiently and interrupted him when he told her he had feelings for Cas.

 

“You know that it’s never good to fall for your tutor.” Dean had neglected to add that Cas liked him back and quickly corrected her.

 

“He what? That’s great! But why’re you so upset then? What happened between you two after?”

 

“Mom he- he was rude today, and mad. He got angry at me when I kept asking him to explain this one thing over and over again. He’s never been impatient with me and he pretended as though he hadn’t told me he liked me and I’ve been having a bad time as well. I’m getting depressed again and I can’t sleep. W-what d-do I do-oo?” The dam broke and sobs followed. It took a long time for him to calm down and Mary tried her best to soothe his pain.

 

“I want to come visit you. Sam wants to come as well. Does Spring Break sound okay?”

 

Dean nodded before remembering she couldn’t see him and in a slightly grieved voice told her to come over. He missed his family dearly and seeing them would surely make him feel better.

 

“In the meantime, I suggest you go see the counsellor on campus. If you want I can send some of your files and you can show them to the counsellor and they could help you better.”

 

“Yeah, that’d be great, mom.” Dean had sat down on the floor, his back resting against his bed. The entire conversation had tired him out and he was pretty much ready for sleep.

 

“Oh, and one more thing. Sort this thing out with Castiel. I don’t want you getting hurt over him. If he isn’t up to the job, tell the administration.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll talk to him soon. I love you, mom.”

 

“I love you too, my little bear. Now go to sleep. I’ll call again in the next couple of days. Good night.”

 

Dean’s heart ached at the old nickname for him. “Night, mom.”

 

For a while, he sat there, cradling his phone in limp hands, staring at the wall in front of him. It was these moments when he would be able to see things objectively and was rifling through the events of the past few weeks to analyse and get a better grip on himself. There was a lot of crap that had come unbidden in these few weeks since his afternoon with Castiel and Dean began to wonder how many times he had perpetuated his pain because he kept bringing it up. Recalling something he’d seen on Tumblr and basing his result on that, he realized that he was in pain but did not have to keep making it worse by bringing it up over and over again. The vicious cycle is what hurts more than the words at that moment. He filed this little revelation away for the time being and made a note to bring it up when he went to see someone who could help him. He felt calm and relaxed, another puzzle of his life and psychology solved.

 

Dean stood up and felt a prick of something similar to longing pique his attention. When he prodded at the feeling, it pointed to one thing, to one person- Charlie. He hadn’t spoken to her in a while and missed her dearly. He bent down to pick up his phone that lay close to his feet and clicked the button to wake it up. Unpleasant feelings went through him when he saw that he had a text from Castiel waiting for him.

 

_Castiel- I’m sorry, Dean._

_Castiel- Can I please explain myself?_

He felt a dull pain bloom over his chest but he managed to ignore it. Without a second thought, he deleted them and went to his chat with Charlie and fired her a text.

 

_Dean- I miss you, Charles. Hang out tomorrow?_

It was exam time so he knew he wouldn’t be getting a reply until sometime in the morning. He walked over to where Arwen was sleeping and picked her up and placed her in her box that was just slightly small for her. _Better get her a new bed_ , he thought. Walking over to his desk, he grabbed a post-it pad and wrote it down so that the next time he went to get her supplies he wouldn’t forget.

 

One look at his bed, and Dean was stumbling toward it like a thirsty man toward an oasis. He quickly got under the covers and snuggled into them, enjoying the softness and the warmth of the blankets. With a little content sigh, he fell asleep.

 

 _Bang! Bang! Bang!_ The very loud noise had Dean fumbling and getting stuck in his covers before tilting off the edge of his bed and landing on the floor with a yelp. “Eurgh, why?” His head pounded in tandem with the bangs on his door.

 

“Dean…” A voice called out from behind the door. Dazed and confused, he got up from the floor and tilted his head in confusion. The banging got worse and he covered his ears with his hands. _What the hell? It’s in the middle of the night!_

 

“Deeaaaannnn… Open the dooooorrr…” Dean’s eyes widened in recognition.

 

“Castiel? Is that you?” His question was met with more banging causing him to flinch hard.

 

“Dean! Open the damn DOOR ALREADY!!” Castiel was shouting and he could probably be heard by everyone on his floor. Dean heard someone fling their door open and tell Castiel to “Fuck off!” to which Castiel graciously replied, “Suck my dick, asshat!”

 

To avoid any possible bloodshed, Dean walked over and cautiously opened the door a crack, just enough to be able to see Castiel. “Why’re you here?” Dean asked.

 

“I miss you, Dean, so so much and I’m so sorry about today. I don’t…” Castiel sighed loudly before continuing and leaning heavily against the doorframe. The smell of alcohol from his breath was overpowering and Dean ducked his head to keep from gagging. “I can’t… I like you so much you have no idea…”

Dean had no idea how to react to what he’d just heard. Castiel professing he liked him a lot but a drunk confession like this coupled with some amount of guilt probably, did not make it credible. _Or does it? Drinks spill the truth you know._ The explanation piped up in his mind from nowhere but he didn’t dismiss it. Moments like this had been few to none in his past but having it happening in the middle of the night had never even entered his daydreams.

 

In all honesty, he felt responsible, even guilty, for the way Castiel was at that moment. Drunk, confessing and sort of begging looked to be a bit pathetic for a guy who had nearly dismissed what Dean had come clean to that afternoon. As Dean’s gaze roved over Castiel’s nearly collapsed form, a stab of satisfaction went through him, like he was glad that Castiel had, at some level, realized his mistake and was now suffering the consequences. When the feeling passed, he felt a little bad for thinking that way but would anyone really blame him? Castiel had hurt him in the worst possible way, first by dismissing his feelings and then by losing his temper during their session when it wasn’t warranted. Dean knew he had a lot of issues to deal with and had planned to bring it up with the counsellor he hoped to see soon so that he could work through his problems and it seemed immature to break down over something like that but he’d been having a bad couple of weeks. There was no reason to make it worse, he’d hit rock bottom and was on his way to standing back up and climbing out of the rabbit hole.

 

“Are you drunk?” Dean asked softly.

 

“Yes,” Castiel answered, almost ashamed of his state.

 

“Why?” Who wouldn’t be curious? If Castiel did this over him, he needed to know his motivation to use him as an excuse.

 

“Because of you, because of the way I acted this afternoon and-“ Castiel stopped mid-sentence and took a deep breath.

 

Dean gestured at him to go on. “And…?”

 

“I think- I think I’m going to throw up,” Castiel’s voice was strained. He pushed against the door causing Dean to trip and fall backwards on to his butt. He watched Castiel yank open the door to the bathroom and just make it to the toilet before he vomited violently into it.

 

Dean rubbed at the soreness in his backside before getting up with a grunt and walk to the bathroom to see how Castiel was doing. When he saw the state Castiel was in, he grimaced and turned away. The retching sounds that Castiel was making were not nice but luckily Dean had a strong gag reflex and could stand watching people puke without puking himself.

 

Sniggering he asked, “You doing okay there?” Castiel looked up from the toilet bowl long enough to send Dean a glare before throwing up again.

 

Dean shook his head and walked out to get Castiel some water and aspirin. _He’s going to hate himself in the morning for this,_ he thought. When he got back, Castiel was slumped against the glass doors of the shower, head lolling on to his chest.

 

“Here, drink this,” Dean squatted down in front of his tutor to hand him the glass of water. Castiel uselessly tried to take the glass from Dean and when he failed to take it from him, Dean held his hand over his and helped him drink. It felt weird, he admitted, to be doing this considering how much he didn’t even want to be near the guy but he also still liked him a lot and cared about him. If he asked in the morning why Dean helped him, he’d lie. He had no idea what he was going to tell Castiel, but he had time till morning and would manage to figure something out.

 

“Thank you, Dean. I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry. It was my fault, all of it was completely my fault. I should never have done it.” Castiel was jabbering away. Dean looked at him curiously. The afternoon had been bad but bad enough to warrant this reaction? He dismissed it as he placed the glass on the shelf and bent down to lift Castiel up.

 

“Up you go, cowboy. Let’s get you a bed.” Dean hoisted him up by his waist and dragged Castiel over to Kevin’s bed.

 

“No, no you don’t understand, Dean. It was all my fault-“ Castiel kept going. Dean silenced him by setting him down on the bed and shoving the covers aside. Then, he moved to get rid of Castiel’s shoes and tucked him in.

 

“Dean, Dean listen to me. He didn’t do it, I did it. It was all… my… fault.” Castiel said the last words in a fading whisper and passed out. _He? He who? What did he mean?_ , Dean thought. It was confusing at the least and apparently caused Castiel a lot of pain. What was he trying to say? Why would Castiel be apologizing to Dean if “ _he”_ didn’t do it but Castiel did?

 

“What aren’t you telling me?” Dean looked at Castiel’s sleeping form and wondered out loud.

 

When he looked at the wrist on his watch and saw the time, somehow his body started feeling the tiredness again. Dragging his feet across to the bathroom to clean it up a bit and turning out the light, he finally got into his bed and closed his eyes, one final thought passing his mind- _What did you do, Castiel?_


	9. Beautiful Loser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashbacks and pacts!! It feels like I'm writing an episode of Arrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided I'd write this story in NaNoWriMo!!! So, you peeps will get regular updates this month at least. I hope you enjoy!

_“You can run but you can’t hide!”_

_Dean ran from corridor to corridor, eyes darting to any place he could use to hide. His breath came in loud gasps as he continued sprinting from one place to another. He ran into another one of the endless corridors and found an inconspicuous hiding place. Quickly, he ducked and tried to catch his breath._ Calm down, breathe, lower your heartbeat, stop making so much noise. _He closed his eyes and started the process of quieting himself down._

_“Where are you little faun? Come on out or I’ll find you and everything will be so much worse! Worse for you, but I’m going to enjoy every minute of it!”_

_Dean’s eyes snapped open at the sinister voice._ How did he find me? _The footsteps ambled closer, his pursuer taking his own sweet time to find him. He listened closely but the footsteps were fading, becoming imperceptible. His heartbeat kicked up the pace again and adrenaline poured into his system,_ I can get away _. He shifted infinitesimally to look out from his hiding place and see if the coast was clear._

_“There you are!” His head whipped at the voice in his ear and came upon distantly familiar blue eyes. “You can’t run from me, little one. I was meant to hunt you down.” The pursuer’s lips turned up in a cruel version of a smile, eyes shining with secrets that chilled Dean to his core. “Cas?” Dean whispered._

_“You finally recognized me! And now, I’m going to take my sweet time with you.” Cas pulled back and reared his right arm that was holding a pistol and brought it down to punch Dean in his face. “NO!” Dean screamed before everything went black._

BANG! BANG! BANG!

 

Dean shot up straight in bed, sweating bullets, the sheets thrown off the bed. He was still very disoriented from what he’d dreamt and as he looked around the room, his eyes landed on Cas sleeping in Kevin’s bed. The memory of the dream still lingered in his mind and caused him to leap back into a corner, as far away from Cas as possible. If anyone looked at him right now, he would probably look like a frightened deer.

 

“That’s it.”

 

Dean was still distracted and made no move to open the door or even acknowledge its knocking. Some remote part registered a tinkering at the doorknob and then it swung open, revealing a very angry and dishevelled red-head.

 

“Dean? Dean! What the hell? What happened? Are you okay? Dean, look at me, come on.” Her hands tried to turn his traumatized face toward her but he was immobile. Cas was hunting him in a dream, yes he was crazed and murderous but he did pursue him like he was an animal for sport. Considering what they had been through the day before and his confession, his mind had decided to play horrifying tricks on him. _Is this what my subconscious thinks of?_ The thought scared him, he was more paranoid than he had ever believed. Heck, he’d laughed at people who recounted stories like that because he thought that that was completely and utterly stupid.

 

“Hey, hey Winchester, where the hell are you? Come on damn it! Snap out of it!” The voice kept babbling at him but his eyes were glued to Castiel. There still wasn’t clear motive for him to be in Colorado, what if he came here to kill him? Or because he was a crazed psychopath who had a type and he enjoyed killing blond green eyed boys for the fun of it? Serial killers were not uncommon in the United States and a paper he’d written for a psychology class that he’d taken in his first year had focussed on the physical appearance of a person and how it co-related to the killer’s past that could’ve driven him/her to take that out on innocent people who looked like said impressionist. What if he had read that paper and decided to give him a taste of it? Despite his rational mind telling him that the paper was secure in the professor’s office the irrational side of him came up with all sorts of scenarios in which Cas managed to corner him and kill him.

 

_SMACK!_

 

“OW! What the hell was that for?” Dean grabbed his sore cheek and caressed it to ease the pain. Charlie looked at him with a mixture of worry, fear, and anger. She was ready to raise her hand to smack him again when Dean noticed Cas getting up. The movement had him trying to get as far as possible even though he was on the edge of his bed and about to fall off.

 

“ _You._ Get out. Now.” Charlie used her no nonsense tone on Cas. Surprised though he was to see Dean with a look of pure fear on his face and Charlie looking like her hair was on the verge of becoming real flame, he stood up, grabbed his belongings and walked out. He stopped at the doorway to look back at Dean, confusion in his eyes before steeling himself and walking out.

 

“Hey, hi. You okay?” Charlie asked in a soothing voice. Her hands ran up and down Dean’s arms in a comforting way. Dean finally peeled his eyes away from the door and brought them to rest on Charlie’s face. Her eyes were open and wide and his body lost all of the tension. He sagged in her arms and rested his head on her shoulder. It was an awkward hug but Charlie wrapped her arms around him tighter knowing that’s what her friend needed at that point.

 

After a few minutes of sitting in that position, Charlie got up to close the door and get some coffee to help Dean. Thankfully the boys had a little coffee-maker in their bedroom and she put some instant coffee in to brew. Dean still hadn’t moved much but at least he was breathing normally and wasn’t wound up like a toy. She’d seen his emotional outbursts and they could last anywhere from minutes to hours. She hoped it wouldn’t be so bad that he won’t be able to tell her why Castiel was in his room and why he was looking at his tutor like frightened prey.

 

“Dean, what’s wrong? Why were you sitting like that when I came in?” Charlie was worried, that much was palpable. She sat next to him before asking her next question, “And why was _he_ here?”

 

An uncomfortable itch started between Dean’s shoulder blades. His entire body still hummed with residual adrenaline from the dream and his mind was in overdrive. Why would he dream about Castiel as a hunter and himself as the hunted? Did what he say when he was drunk so lasting that his subconscious created that scenario? Was his mind trying to tell him to stay away, that his tutor was dangerous and a threat to him? Is it trying to say that Castiel was a predator and he was his target?

 

The idea was far-fetched. Yes, Castiel’s history was more than sketchy and with the babbling combined, what he had told Dean during that lunch so many afternoon’s ago had been a baseless lie, so that he could earn Dean’s trust. Dean didn’t feel a reaction, no betrayal just anger at himself for being so stupid and gullible. He had been tricked and now that he was trapped he had to find a way out before things could get any worse.

 

“He was drunk, came knocking on my door last night yapping some crap about ‘not doing it’ and that he was sorry. I put him to bed pretty quick but then I had this crazy dream where-“ He paused and took a deep breath, stomach still churning from before. “He- Castiel was chasing me through this crazy long corridor and he kept threatening me and I kept running and I hid and then he found me and he had this animal look in his eyes, like he was going to kill me or worse. Then I woke up and saw him and everything came rushing back and I was still scared from the dream and I reacted like that and that’s how you found me.”

 

Charlie didn’t say anything and instead got up to get the coffee that was done. When she returned, she handed him a mug and settled next to him, unsure of what to say. Dean took a sip of the coffee and felt some life return to him. Things were seriously wrong and the place that he and Castiel were in wasn’t a good one. This needed to be resolved but at what cost? _He didn’t do anything, I did_. Castiel’s words from the night before rang clear in his head and an idea struck him.

 

“Charlie, how good are you at getting info on people’s personal lives?” Dean said it softly but the look that Charlie gave him meant she’d gotten every word.

 

“Why’re you asking me that?” Dean didn’t know how to explain to her that he might be in danger because of Castiel. He needed to know what Castiel was hiding so he could understand what he was dealing with.

 

“I think Castiel’s hiding something really big, something so big that if anyone got to know everything would change for him… Something that _got_ him sent here.” Dean knotted the edge of his tshirt over and over again, this was a make or break moment, Charlie was in or out.

 

Her mouth was agape and she looked at Dean with incredulity. “You think Castiel got _sent_ here and not because his boyfriend tried to kill him? Why would you even say that?” She was shaking her head at the idea.

 

“Look, last night when he came in drunk, he was out of it and after he was done apologizing to me, something else took hold and he kept saying how it was all his fault and that a certain ‘he’ didn’t do it. That has to mean something right? I mean, he was pretty delirious but I think there’s something to what he was going on about. Will you help me figure out what?” Hope lit his eyes as he waited for Charlie’s reaction. Her face looked torn, as though she was gauging the pros and cons of attempting such a thing. Snooping on people and hacking into a person’s life was a federal offense, if Castiel found out he could sue Charlie and Dean for doing it.

 

Charlie shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut, her legs bouncing up and down as though something like that would ease the decision she would make. Dean’s heart was thundering in his chest, the possibility of discovering Castiel’s secret would change everything or nothing and depending on what they unearth, he may or may not choose to hear him out. An outburst at a study session was one thing but showing up drunk at his door and hoping for forgiveness because that somehow signified that he was sorry for what he had done was something Dean would never condone ever.

 

Dean hated drinking. Yeah he occasionally drank some beer at a party but it was never more than one. He’d seen how his father would behave every time after he drank and it creeped him out and made him supremely uncomfortable. John had more than a drinking problem, he needed to be treated by a psychiatrist for what he had but he refused to and because of that many problems had arisen in their little family. It’s one reason why Dean had such low self-esteem because he got so much crap from his father. The alcohol made his father talk too much which led to him talking nonsense when it wouldn’t be required or saying things that would come to bite him later. The relationship between father and son was fraught with tension to say the least and had been that way for so long that Dean can’t remember when it was normal. He’s long given up the possibility that there might come a day when he and his father can have a nice day out without walking around him on eggshells but so far it has eluded him.

 

“Okay fine, I’ll do it.” Charlie’s voice startled Dean out of his mind and he almost didn’t remember what she was agreeing to. “I’ll look into Castiel for you.”

 

Dean smiled widely, “You will? Thanks so much, Charles!” He hugged her tight. _You might just save my life._

 

“I’m agreeing to do this because of you _and_ because of the way he acted when I confronted him at the library. He was way too sketchy for my liking.”

 

“You were at the library? You heard what happened?” Dean didn’t like that his friends saw some of his outbursts and that Charlie had seen one again made him feel mortified.

 

She nodded. “I was there and when I saw you running out, I knew something really bad had happened. So, I confronted him. Dean, it’s okay, he really was mean. You don’t have to act like that.”

 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows at her. “Like what?”

 

She gestured her hand at him. “Like I saw something I wasn’t supposed to see and that in your mind you think that I think you’re a wuss.’

 

The assessment was correct and he wondered how obvious he was to others. “Am I that easy to read?” He looked anywhere but her and took a sip of his coffee.

 

She shook her head side to side in a so-so manner and said, “It’s okay, princess. You’re in a safe zone… No judgement remember? I promised you that when we first met.”

 

The memory made Dean smile as he remembered what had happened.

_Dean was busy putting in his books when a short-ish Asian kid came up to him. “Love the hoodie!” Dean smiled broadly and thanked him. It was his Dark Souls hoodie which he’d gotten after getting obsessed with the game. When he looked at the guy in front of him as the one who came up to him with a friend who needed help with an assignment from a few weeks ago._

_“I know you! You came to me for help with an assignment and you were with a friend. Red-head?” Dean asked._

_The boy in front of him nodded and held out his hand to him. “Kevin Tran, at your service. And my red-head friend is Charlie.”_

_Dean took his hand and shook it, feeling a little proud of himself for keeping the conversation going instead of running away like he normally would._

_“Hey, you know there’s going to be a big Dark Souls Tournament over the weekend to see who can finish the game the fastest. You wanna come with us?” Kevin asked. Dean’s eyes went wide and a bubble of excitement mixed with nervousness erupted in him. People were asking if he wanted to attend a gaming tournament with them and they weren’t looking at him funny or anything. This had to be some kind of miracle._

_“Um… Uh… wouldn’t it be weird if I joined you guys?” he asked. He was a social outcast, a pariah and he had learned to deal with that particular status. He was completely okay with being alone and doing things on his own. But this situation was completely new and he had no idea what would be the appropriate way to react. Should he say yes or would that make him seem too eager? Or should he say no and forever lose the opportunity to make friends? Or say maybe and then show up and things may or may not work out? This social thing was hard and was making his head dart in all sorts of directions that he had never ventured to._

_“Nah. I’ve seen you around and I’m pretty sure you’re one of us and Charlie’s been harping at me to get to talk to you to hang out with us. So, come on! It’ll be fun. Twenty-four hours of non-stop Dark Souls and I’m pretty sure the organizers managed to rope in the creators for some special thing or whatever for the winners and runners-up. What say you?” said Kevin and looked at him with hope in his eyes._

_Dean was practically drooling at what Kevin just described. It was paradise and there was no way in hell he wouldn’t go. Plus, he had been looking for an opportunity to replay the game._

_“Alright, I’m in,” he replied with a grin._

_“Really? That is so cool! Give me your number and we’ll meet tomorrow after classes at the computer labs on the third floor. Bring controllers,” Kevin said and took the phone Dean offered him to input his number and gave him his own. Once the numbers were exchanged, Kevin ran out the door late to his next class with the echo of_ _“May the force be with you!” in his wake._

_Dean had been ridiculously happy that day and had described the encounter more than enthusiastically to both Michael and his mother. They both had been happy for him and congratulated him on coming out of his shell._

_Dean couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day and throughout the next day. When he met Kevin, his face was nearly split with his grin and they walked together talking about the ruination of Game of Thrones on TV. The new episode had aired and Dean hadn’t been happy in the least at how many things were wrong._

_When they got to the humongous labs, they looked like they had been converted into a floor at PAX in Seattle. There were huge screens, multiple computer stations and console stations, live feeds the whole nine yards. Dean was in complete awe and he kept falling behind because there was so much to take in. As he walked by stations, some people were already doing warm-up rounds and talking strategy with partners or their fellow competitors. Dean was surprised to see the number of girls who were present and the thing that came to mind was-_ Take that GamerGate! _There were also quite a few people who just came along to cheer on their friends and get them food._ Good strategy _. The players would be playing non-stop and having people feeding them would make it easier to go on without losing energy._

_“Goddammit goddammit GODDAMMIT!” A female voice yelling grabbed his attention and his eyes landed on a mop of red hair swearing to high heavens brandishing a controller like a weapon._

_“Whoa whoa whoa!” Dean exclaimed and took the controller from her. “What’s going on and why are you trying to kill this controller?” Wait- Dean was talking to a person._ He _was_ talking _to a_ person _. On his_ own.What kind of sorcery is this? _The thought flitted through his mind as he stared at nothing. First Kevin and now pulling a controller out of a relative stranger’s hand, not to mention she was a chick. Things were getting weirder and weirder by the minute and his coping mechanisms were practically on the fritz. The inside of his mind felt like a completely tossed version of the library in Croft Manor or what he imagines the library would look like and it is not a pleasant feeling._

_Heat starts creeping over his skin and he shook his head to bring himself to the present. The controller still clutched in his hand, he holds it out for her to take, an embarrassed blush making itself known slowly all along his body._

_“Ugh! It’s just that_ this _-“she gestured to the controller and gave it a dirty look, “- has failed me. The right stick decided it didn’t appreciate my management and stopped working and my spare controller is at home in freaking CHICAGO and I don’t know what to do because I can’t compete without one!” She finally stopped and loosed a breath._

_“Dean, meet Charlie, Charlie meet Dean. He agreed to hang out with us,” Kevin said while trying to control his laughter._

_“Hi!” she held out her hand for Dean to take. Dean grasped it and they shook hands._

_“Hello… I’m sorry about just t-taking your controller a-and just-“ he started to apologize shyly but she cut him off with a quick gesture._

_“No harm no foul. Anyway, I should try to look for a new controller,” she said and swivelled her head around to try and spot someone or somewhere she could get a spare from._

_“You don’t need to! I have one right here,” Dean said quickly and slipped his backpack off his shoulder. After a little rummaging, he produced two controllers and handed one to her. Charlie reached for it as though he’d presented her with a bottle of light from Elendil, the brightest star in the Elven world._

_“Dean, my princess, thank you!” she said gleefully and threw her arms around his neck giving him a tight hug. He hugged her back a little hesitantly feeling glad that he could be of some help._ Wait- did she just call him princess?

 

_“Huh? What did you say?” she asked as she pulled away from him._

_“Did you just call me ‘princess’?” he asked with a look of curiosity mingled with embarrassment on his face._

_Charlie shrugged her shoulders and replied, “You have those big green Rapunzel eyes! I can’t help it.”_

_He outright laughed at that. It had been a few minutes and this lovely human had given him a nickname. “I like it,” he told her and she beamed at him._

_The entire night passed with gaming, screaming, eating food off things without leaving controllers alone for a second (don’t ask, it was a mess) until they finished. Several people were already finished and had started on other games or were just lying around taking naps or just talking to each other._

_Dean had been talking to Charlie for hours about everything. Kevin was asleep once he finished the game, poor kid hadn’t slept in days and he crashed the minute he put down his controller._

_Charlie and Dean had come out to each other once the conversation shifted from art styles in comics and graphic novels to more personal aspects of their lives. Dean told her about him being bullied in school minus the details and she told him about how her parents died in a car crash. She’d been transferred to foster care and had been lucky enough to get a great family the first round. They had adopted her after she’d been living with them for a while and had taken care of her since. She still missed her mother a lot and kept a beat up copy of the Hobbit with her always. When she showed Dean the book, he could feel the emotions that had been invested in the pages and it made him feel lucky that he had his whole family with him._

_Somewhere in the morning when people were recovering from gaming hangovers and Charlie was telling him about her conquests, his phone rang. His mother was calling and he excused himself to find a quieter place to talk._

_“Hey mom! How are you?” He was excited and you could hear it clearly in his voice._

_“Hi honey! I’m good. Why’re you up so early? Shouldn’t you be asleep?” she asked. It was Saturday and Dean did sleep in every weekend._

_“Oh the Dark Souls Tournament was going on all night that’s why I’m up, I haven’t slept yet,” he replied._

_“About that, your father’s upset. He told me you should be studying and not be wasting time.”_

_That put a damper on his whole mood. He’d been doing well and he rarely allowed himself to participate in events that interfered with his studies. The exams were yet weeks away and he’d been keeping up which is why Michael had let him take Friday off._

_“Mom, you know I don’t do events unless I’m sure. Why is he always on my case?” he was clearly upset and the threat of every bad thought imaginable was looming in his mind’s horizon._

_“I know sweetie, I know. I tried to tell him that but for some reason that B you got on that test has him losing his mind.”_

_“It was one time and I more than made up for that with my next quiz! My final grade will be an A- at least! Why can’t he leave me alone?!” Dean was getting more upset the longer the call went on and things weren’t looking good. He ran his free hand through his hair and across his face to get some control but it wasn’t working very well._

_“I’ll talk to him, I promise. You go have fun with your friends. I love you, little bear,” her tone was soothing and though it should’ve made him feel better all he really wanted was to cry._

_“Love you too, mom,” he said in a thick voice and cut the phone. He sat down where he was standing and let the dam break. He felt like breaking something but a hand on his shoulder made him look up._

_Charlie’s expression shifted from concerned to alarmed in moments. She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, letting him sob into her shoulder. In between tears he told her about his home situation and how things weren’t good with his dad and him, about his dyslexia and severe depression. She didn’t say one word and rubbed his back the entire time. When he was done, he apologized for his behaviour._

_“Don’t ever apologize to me. I understand and I’m never going to say anything to ridicule you for it. This is a judgement free-zone and I will always be there for you, I promise.” Since then, Charlie’s been his guardian angel._

Dean snapped back to reality, confused for a moment before he realized where he was and what they were talking about.

 

“Thanks Charlie, for everything.” He leaned over and gave her a tight hug.

 

“Anything for my princess,” she said and hugged him back.


	10. Careful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah no. I ain't tellin' ya nothing. Enjoy :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest kittens, enjoy this new chapter! AND THANK YOU FOR OVER 1200 HITS!!! Y'all are absolutely amazing. Love you so much!

Castiel had been in touch but Dean hadn’t wanted to reply to anything he sent. Ever since things went wrong, he’d talked to Mrs. Cantor about getting a new tutor and she’d started the process as soon as she could. He was told that he should have a new tutor by the time spring break was over but in the event that that doesn’t happen, he should either try to make things up with Castiel or try to find one from his peers. Dean had even taken to roaming with Kevin and Charlie at all times so that Cas wouldn’t have the opportunity to corner him and he’d also shifted around his schedule so that on the days they were supposed to be in the same class, he wasn’t and was in a different time slot. The teachers all understood and had done their best to help him out.

 

Dean had been getting better slowly; his sleeping improved and the circles under his eyes were almost gone and his grades were back up along with his concentration. The teachers were glad to see one of their best students back in the game and no one was happier than Dean. Without the stress of having to see Castiel and using his confidence to talk to some of his peers, he discovered not all of them were that vapid after all. So far he’d made friends with Benny, a Louisianan native who loved cooking, Meg a waitress from a coffee shop that he had taken to frequent, and Zooey who was an avid reader and fangirl extraordinaire. They were all in some or the other class that he had taken or was taking and had decided to help Dean in his studies while the office found someone who could take on the responsibility of tutor. If you saw Dean Winchester walking down the street, you wouldn’t believe it was him- he was happy, surrounded by friends and had everything to gain. He was on a rollercoaster that only went up.

 

“Dean, tell me somethin’,” Benny said. They were seated in the corner of a restaurant trying to get some studying done. Dean was very happy with his concentration now and took as much advantage of that as he could so when Benny started up a conversation, it took him a while to acknowledge that he was being talked to.

 

“Hm?” he asked in a distracted way.

 

“There’s been a guy that I’ve noticed in more than a few places that we’ve been at. I thought it was a coincidence the first couple but I think he’s following someone, more specifically, you.”

 

“Yeah? Who’d have the time to follow me? I mean, don’t they have friends and studying and a life?” Dean was still distracted and barely taking in what he was hearing. As far as he could tell, it was just someone random that ended up in the same places by accident.

 

“Well, the thing is, he’s always there with us when you’re there, otherwise he’s not. And, I must say, I’m a bit unhappy with that particular state of things. I’m worried you might be in danger.” Benny was trying his hardest to get Dean’s attention and apparently using the word ‘danger’ did the trick.

 

Acting cool and testy, Dean leaned back and considered what Benny was saying. He looked like there was weight to his words so he gave in. “Okay I’ll bite. What does this guy look like?”

 

Benny raised his eyebrows and replied, “Tall, dark hair, always in a baseball cap, leather jacket. Ring a bell?” Imperceptibly, Benny leaned in closer with anticipation.

 

Dean laughed loudly, head thrown back and with abandon. “Benny,” he stopped to gasp before continuing, “It’s okay. I’m safe and no one is following me.”

 

“Oh really? Then why is he staring at you like that?” Dean was getting angry now. Benny was talking about a ghost and he had no reason to fear anything or anyone. He looked in the direction that Benny had gestured in to find no one there except the tinkle of the bell above the door as it closed.

 

Exasperated, he turned to look at Benny with annoyance in his eyes. “I told you there was no one!”

 

“But I saw the guy sitting there! He’d been here since we sat down and he’s always looking at you, tryin’ to figure you out or something.” It seemed like Benny was trying to convince Dean that he was telling the truth and that he wasn’t hallucinating. Dean decided to give his friend the benefit of the doubt and said, “Tell you what, next time we go out and you see this ghost, you tell me without him realizing. I see him, I’ll believe you. Then we’ll see where we go from there.”

Convinced, Benny dropped the matter and they went on with their work. Where previously there was nothing, now a weight rested in between his shoulders. It would be possible that Benny’s words had caused some tension to flare up inside him but he couldn’t give credence to something he hadn’t even seen for himself.

 

The question was, who would have time to follow him and why would anyone be following him? He had no reason from past or present that warranted a tail, and the only people with that kind of time were stalkers or private investigators or bodyguards undercover or federal agents and cops undercover. Dean was sounding more and more like a conspiracy nut so he gave up the thought and concentrated on vehicle dynamics.

 

Dean couldn’t wait for spring break. His mother and Sam were going to come on Saturday to get more time with him and to make up for lost time. He was on his way in a rented car to the airport when he received a text from Charlie.

 

_Charlie- you on your way to the airport?_

 

He decided he’d text her when he reached his destination. Excitement built up inside him at the prospect of seeing his little brother and best friend after so long. Dean was terrible at keeping in touch with people but he tried to email his brother as often as he could. Sam himself was busy at Stanford and had told Dean the last time they talked that he had news.

 

Since the last time Benny talked about Dean’s mystery stalker, he hadn’t brought it up. It seemed like he had vanished into thin air. Probably never existed. He was getting ready to pull up into the arrivals terminal at the airport when his phone started ringing.

 

When he pulled up at the curb, he saw his mother and little brother waiting for him. His mom put away the phone and Dean couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. He was with his family again and he couldn’t be happier.

 

He scooped his mother into a big hug, big grins on everyone’s faces. “I missed you mommy,” he said as he set her down. Mary stroked his face and patted his cheek gently, “I missed you too my beautiful boy.”

 

Dean turned to say hi to Sam and was engulfed into a large bear hug. “It’s so good to see you, Dean.” Sam’s voice sounded relieved, heavy with emotion and Dean hugged him tighter, giving him the assurance that he was okay and his little brother had nothing to worry about.

 

“It’s good to see you too, Sammy.”

 

Dean grabbed the bags left on the curb and went to the back of the car to open the trunk and put everything in. Sam followed behind him and stood close enough to him that he heard every word without a problem. “We need to talk,” Sam whispered and Dean nodded.

 

“Alright! Let’s get going shall we?” Dean walked over to the driver’s side and Sam sat in the backseat; Mary was already seated and Dean started toward the exit and then the hotel.

 

“You look better,” Mary said. Dean looked over and smiled.

 

“I took your advice and started seeing a counsellor on campus. She isn’t the best but she’s got a great ear and helps me by just doing that, listening. If you want, you can come along to the appointment next week and talk to her or something if you want to.”

 

“I think I’d like that. I have your files with me and I might be able to guide her better.” She paused for a moment, fingers twisting in her lap.

 

“Your father wanted to come visit.” Dean visibly tensed, his hands too tight on the steering wheel, every limb rigid.

 

“Why? So that he can tell me about the favors he’s been doing me?” Dean was more than bitter about his father. It was the reason he was glad that he’d gotten a scholarship to college. If his father had had to pay even a cent for his college education, he’d never have gotten it. His mother told him that his father acted that way because he felt threatened, but all Dean ever thought or said when she said that was- “He’s a father! He should grow up and realize he has responsibilities, just like his parents did for him and their parents before! And threatened? By _me?_ What could ever possess him to even think that? I’m just a kid looking for my place in the world and he’s afraid of me! How _stupid_ is that?!”

 

“Dean, despite all his flaws he does miss you, and love you dearly,” Mary said. She could see her son was very upset, she should never have brought it up. John had been more than upset that Sam and her were going to visit Dean and he didn’t want them to. She had fought tooth and nail, threatened to walk out on him, and called him a few choice names before finalizing her tickets and boarding the plane to Colorado.

 

“No mom, he doesn’t, and the sooner you realize that the better you’ll be,” Dean said in a quiet voice, completely empty. It hurt Mary that her son thought the way he did but he had a point, John constantly acted like Dean was a problem and not his child. But she still prayed things might get better between them one day.

 

After that, the car ride was silent. Dean was so distanced from reality that he had no recollection of when he reached the hotel the three of them were staying at. They checked in quickly and made their way to their rooms, the boys in one and Mary in the other.

 

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to freshen up a bit. How about we get a bite to eat after that? Say, in thirty minutes?”

 

Sam and Dean both nodded their heads in agreement and walked into their room. The view from the window was amazing and the beds looked plush and comfortable. Dean went to drop off his bags and made his way toward the complimentary chocolate on the pillows while Sam sat down on the edge of one of the beds waiting.

 

“Dean…,” he started. “We need to talk. About Castiel, about dad. You sounded terrible on the phone the few times I called you and you can’t have just ‘gotten better’ all of a sudden.”

 

Dean’s chewing on the piece of chocolate slowed and a sad smile appeared on his face. “I never could hide anything from you…” He walked to the edge of the other bed and sat down facing his brother, Sam’s puppy eyes waiting with expectation.

 

Dean hesitated, a nervousness growing in the pit of his stomach. Telling Sam about Castiel was not going to be easy especially with the fact that he also liked the guy and the fact that Castiel was hiding something. It probably wouldn’t be the best thing to tell him that he asked Charlie to snoop on Castiel and get information because he highly doubted the tutor would even consider the option of telling him about what he had meant that night.

 

“Past few weeks have been bad,” he started. “The exams always get to me but Michael had always managed to handle me, give me the confidence to be capable of acing the test. Castiel is, he’s different and not because his methods are different, but because he’s different as a person. There’s so much that surrounds him that is confusing and… it’s like a terrible mystery you can’t help but want to solve.

 

“Sam, you have to understand, I never wanted to have feelings for this guy but I did and everything became a mess. Once you like someone, anything they do good or bad has an effect on you whether you like it or not, at least that’s how it is with me. That afternoon when t-things wen-went wrong, I ha-hated myself for it.”

 

Sam reached his hand out and placed it on Dean’s shoulder. His mother had told him that Dean wasn’t doing well but seeing him broken over someone Dean had met six months ago broke his heart. His brother was stronger than this, and he would help him realize that.

 

“Dean, I know that it happens. That you fall for someone unexpectedly and everything feels like fireworks or stormy nights. But if what you’re saying is right, Castiel might not be good for you. What he did, he had no right to. No one should do that ever. There were times when we were in high school when you’d ask me so many times to explain to you something and being family I should’ve lost it, but I never did because what you were going through was so much more frustrating. If Castiel’s done this before, he should know that you can never lose your patience with anyone. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

 

Dean looked up at the last part, the earnestness in Sam’s eyes misted his own and he pulled his brother in for another hug, this one for support, love, and strength. No one got Dean like Sam did and he would forever thank the stars that he got the brother he had and no one else.

 

“Thanks Sammy. Can I tell you something?” Dean pulled away and looked at Sam with an expression that could only be described as cautious.

 

Sam nodded. “Charlie and I decided to do some digging on Castiel. I asked her to hack his records and find out what he’s hiding.” Sam’s eyes widened to saucers when Dean finished and was about to say something but Dean went on. “He might not tell me if I asked, and after the dream I had I really don’t want to see him. If the department can’t find a tutor for me after break, I’ll have to continue working with him. There’s only so long my friends can help me out and I need to know what I’m dealing with so I don’t get caught in a situation like the one from before… or worse.” He whispered the last part. Dean understood that Castiel had many layers to him and there might be a chance that he could be in danger because of him. The dream he had was trying to warn him that Castiel was a predator, now all that remained was whether it was true or not.

 

“Wait- you had a dream about Castiel that freaked you out so much you don’t ever want to see him again? Why didn’t you tell me before?” Sam was shocked, it was written all over his face. History had taught them that any time Dean had a dream about someone that was opposite their personality, it meant that that person was hiding something and should be avoided unless they were being mean on purpose, then they needed help.

 

“Yeah I uh… I had a whacky dream in which Castiel was hunting me down. He called me a ‘faun’ and he was chasing me in this long corridor and when he found me he knocked me out by hitting my head with the butt of his pistol. It felt so real, his words were cold and evil and even after I woke up I felt like I was still trapped in the dream. I hated that feeling, the entire thing was a horror movie. It’s why I asked Charlie to look into him. I need to know I’m safe.”

 

“Dean, you know you can’t just snoop into other people’s lives! It’s a felony!” Sam was practically whispering, afraid there were ears in the walls.

 

“Would you rather me be miserable and unhappy or that I get information that guarantees an answer to whether I’m safe or not?” Dean’s tone was challenging and it wasn’t lost on Sam. He bit his lip and nodded in understanding of what Dean had said. As long as Charlie didn’t get caught, Dean would get an answer and go wherever he would need to from there.

 

“So, uh, have you talked to him since then?” Sam asked. Dean shook his head and said no more. His next step would only be answered by if and what Charlie can get.

 

“What about dad? You were upset in the car when mom brought it up.”

 

“You know how it is between me and him, mom diagnosed him a while ago but he’s never acknowledged it. It’s written in every action of his, his behavior, personality. Denial is not the answer and he won’t get help. He’d rather drink himself into a stupor and he’ll have no idea of what or if anything would’ve happened the night before. I don’t like it, the entire thing just makes me sick and I end up on the verge of a panic attack. Her saying that he loves me and that he wanted to be here doesn’t make me feel glad, just relieved that he didn’t come, which I’m pretty sure she’s making up.”

Dean’s emotions were running high. He stood up and started pacing to get some of it out but he was too wired, too angry, too emotional, too vulnerable. _Steel walls._ Imagining them helped and he settled a bit but the feelings were still banging on the walls.

 

“I think mom’s planning to leave him,” Sam said so softly that when he first uttered them, Dean had no idea it was words and not just a light whoosh of air.

 

“Hmm? What?” Dean asked.

 

“Mom’s leaving him,” Sam said louder. “She’s been sleeping in the guest bedroom and when he gets too much, she stays at a hotel or at a friend’s. The only reason I know is because I found out. I called her one night and she was out with her girlfriend’s and she was whispering but I heard poker bets being placed in the background and glasses clinking. I called the house after and dad picked it up to say that mom had gone to sleep early.”

 

Dean was rooted to the spot, astonishment painted on his voice. “Are you serious?”

 

Sam nodded. “I confronted her about it a week later and she told me. They aren’t doing well and she hates that her son’s father can’t stand him. So, she decided that it was time to move out, especially if he won’t stop and try to fix his life and his relationship with you. I think she’s only consulting for now and she might tell dad to clean up his act or she’ll leave him, but if anything goes sideways when she gives him that ultimatum, she’ll serve the papers.”

 

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Dean was so confused he had no idea how to react. He was torn between pain and happiness- happiness because his father wouldn’t use his words against him and pain because his mother was losing the love of her life.

 

John and Mary Winchester had been in love for many years, since their college days. He had proposed to her on a chilly Saturday morning when they were on  a walk together and a year after, she was pregnant with Dean. His mother told him stories of how much his father loved to play with him, take him in the Impala for a ride when he wouldn’t sleep or was crying incessantly and she needed a break. The way she described them, they really were a happy family. Things started getting complicated when Dean couldn’t read or when he learnt to speak late. Once Sam came along, things felt like they had changed but not so much. Dean started getting more ignored by his father and when he turned eight and Sam turned four and spelled out his first word, things really started taking a dive.

 

If Dean was ignored before, he was downright side-lined after that. If Dean did something like draw a nice picture and Sam happened to be there counting to 10 like it was nothing, Sam got the ‘Good job!’ or ‘That’s my boy!’ For years Dean tried to get into his father’s good graces but nothing he did worked. Then when he flunked a grade the first time, things hit the fan. That was a terrible night for Dean and till date, he doesn’t go that far ever because if he did, he’d never climb out of his rabbit hole. Studies became a chore and no matter how much Dean tried, his grades didn’t come up. Even with Mary it wasn’t good and he had felt broken and unloved. He told his mother as much and that was the first time he’d seen her cry in front of him. They made a pact that night, to always protect each other and have each other’s back. He hasn’t been disappointed since.

 

The last time he saw some sort of joy on his father’s face was when he got accepted into college on scholarship and it was probably because he wouldn’t have to pay tuition then. When his family had seen him off at college, he was smiling then too- glad that he wouldn’t have to see a failure around his house. It might seem wrong and terrible to think like that but that night John Winchester didn’t celebrate his first born son getting into college, it was not having to see an incompetent boy that he helped birth.

 

_Knock knock._

“Hey, you boys ready to get some grub?” Mary’s voice floated through the door and broke the enchantment Dean’s thoughts had cast on him, bringing him back to the present.

 

“Yeah mom, we’re coming!” Sam hollered back and they both stood up from their respective places, making their way to the door and out of the room.

 

They walked out of their room to find their mom already waving them down toward the elevator. “Come on! Hurry!”

 

The boys ran laughing and made it in to the elevator before any of the other people got annoyed. “Where do you guys want to eat?” Dean asked.

 

“How about the buffet? I heard there’s a special dessert for the afternoon,” Mary answered.

 

The trio shuffled out of the elevator and walked into the hotel restaurant. “I’ll get us a table,” Dean said and wandered off in the direction where there were a few tables empty. He pulled out a chair at his chosen table and sat himself in the direction of where they entered from. Ever since Benny had told him that there was someone following him, he had taken to facing all doors wherever he sat so that he could have a chance at identifying his possible ‘stalker’.

 

Sam and Mary returned to the table with plates laden with food. Sam even made a plate for Dean so that he wouldn’t have to go alone later. Dean thanked his brother when he put the plate down in front of him and got a big smile in return.

 

They talked about simple things for a while. Sam was telling them about the new girl he was dating. Jessica Moore was pre-med and they’d run in to each other during exam time. Sam was heading to the library and Jessica was on her way out after a long day of studying. She’d slipped in a puddle of water and had ended up muddy and soaked. Sam helped her out and escorted her to her apartment, making sure she got to her apartment safe and sound. He’d left then but he had returned with two hot chocolates for them because he couldn’t stand the idea of her getting sick if he could do something about it. Before long they were dating and had been going steady for a few weeks.

 

“When do we get to meet Jess?” Dean asked. “I want to tell her about the time I put itching powder in your pants and you went to school like that and gave a test.”

 

“Dean that was the worst day of my life! People thought I wanted to go to the bathroom all day.”

 

“I remember you had these terrible welts on the tops of your thighs that didn’t fade for days because you itched so hard!” Mary added and laughed a bit. Sam was blushing hard and was scowling but his lips were slightly upturned in a smile. _This is probably how things will be if the divorce_ _happens,_ Dean thought. Maybe it was too early to think this way and that there was still time for things to get better. Swirling thoughts, all contradictory were swimming within him threatening to diminish all else if he didn’t stop thinking. The walls went back up and the thoughts were kept at bay.

 

“Who wants dessert?” Mary asked and Dean nodded enthusiastically. “How about you boys go and pick something up and get something with chocolate?”

Dean practically leaped up and out of his chair and across the room to get the dessert bar. It wasn’t super speed but it sure as hell felt like it because he could also see things in perfect slow motion. So when he accidentally turned his head toward the door and saw who was walking in, it wasn’t an ignorant glance but one that registered completely and caused him to stumble.

 

Castiel Novak was standing barely twenty feet away from him with Ryan on his arm looking more than cozy.


	11. Sweetest Devotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama and more drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the fastest I've uploaded chapters in a while. Enjoy!

Dean was stuck, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. Every brain function had stopped and fixated on the couple in front of him. It didn’t even feel real, he felt like he was looking through a telescope from far away. His vision tunneled and his body swayed with the force of someone moving him forward. Everything was blurring, becoming darker. Sounds were muffled and reality was an illusion around him.

 

“Dean? Dean!” Sam hissed at him. When that didn’t work, he squeezed Dean’s arm hard enough that it brought Dean back to reality.

 

“Th-that wa- That was-“ Dean was at a loss for words, shell shocked. How was what he had seen possible? What in hell was Castiel doing with his friend with benefits?

 

“Yeah, I figured. Who was that guy with him?” Sam asked.

 

“That was… That was Ryan. His sometimes lover,” Dean replied. His hands were braced on the table and he was taking in deep breaths to calm down.

 

“ _’Sometimes lover’_? What the hell does _that_ mean?” When Dean looked at his brother, he looked thoroughly vexed. “Are you telling me he’s screwing that guy after telling you that he likes you?”

 

Sam’s face had shifted from annoyed to livid in a heartbeat. Dean simply nodded and went back to looking at the table cloth.

 

“I don’t like him, Dean. Not one bit. No one tells someone they like them and then bed someone else. He’s sick. Even if there’s nothing on him, there’s no way in any plane of existence I’m going to approve of this.”

 

“I know, Sam. After this I don’t think I ever want to even remember a memory of him,” Dean said. He was sick all over. Every part of him felt diseased for knowing him. He was gripping the edge of the table so hard his fingers were going numb. His stomach roiled with unanticipated nausea and he gagged.

 

“I’m taking you to the bathroom,” Sam said and escorted his brother to the facilities as fast as he could. The moment Dean was in a stall, he was bringing up the lunch he’d consumed with relish. The dry heaving went on for a while even after Dean had emptied his stomach out. His legs were trembling and sweat mingled with tears and snot dripped from his face. When he was sure he wouldn’t throw up all over the floor if he moved away from the toilet, he flushed and stepped out of the stall. He held the edges of the sink for a moment before opening the cold water tap and splashing some water on his face.

 

“You feeling okay now?” Sam asked. Dean nodded as he rinsed his mouth with water and spat it out. He splashed his face again and ran his hand over his face. When he saw his reflection in the mirror, he looked haunted. His eyes were bloodshot and his nose was red.

 

“Here,” Sam interrupted his scrutiny and handed him some paper towels. Dean accepted them and dabbed at his face and hands.

 

“You sure you feeling okay?” Sam asked again, afraid his brother was going to throw up again.

 

“Yeah. Now let’s go before mom gets too worried. Wait,” Dean said and stopped his brother. “We can’t tell mom he’s here. This stays between you and me. We’ll just tell her I got vertigo from running too fast and ended up throwing up.”

 

Sam nodded in agreement and they walked out of the bathroom. Mary was pacing frantically a small distance away and charged at them when they emerged.

 

"Where were you? What happened? I saw you drag Dean out after he had some panic attack when he was headed toward the dessert bar,” Mary was beyond worried and engulfed Dean into her arms the minute she saw him. Dean hugged her tightly, afraid to let go and afraid to break down in front of her. This could wait till he was back behind the door of his room, or better behind the door of the bathroom with the shower on.

 

Sam answered before Dean could even extricate himself from his hug. “Yeah, Dean ran too fast and he got a bit dizzy. He felt like he was going to throw up so I took him to the restrooms as fast as possible so there wouldn’t be a scene.”

 

“Oh honey! Let’s get you upstairs and into bed,” Mary said and slung an arm around Dean’s shoulders to guide him to the elevators and up to his room. Dean let everything happen without protest, too fixated on what he had seen outside of the restaurant. He still felt hollowed out. Could it have really been that easy for Castiel to get over Dean and go back to his lover like nothing had happened?

 

Sam didn’t say a word on the way up, carefully observing the lobby before they got on to the lift. He gave a quick once over to his surroundings before getting on the elevator that arrived to take him to his room.

 

Mary spent most of the evening fussing over Dean in their bedroom. Sam occasionally looked in on them but never for more than a few moments. Dean still looked a little pale and shuddered almost imperceptibly at sporadic intervals.

 

After a while, their mother decided she was tired and needed a little nap. Dean had been fast asleep for the past half hour which gave Sam the opportunity he needed. He waited an extra fifteen minutes just in case before slipping out of the room and down to the lobby.

 

The lobby was bustling with students who had come for a little ski trip. Despite it being spring break, there had been some fresh snowfall which gave all ski-enthusiasts and snowboarders and anyone else an opportunity to spend a weekend hitting the slopes or cozying up around warm fires. Sam waited until one concierge seemed a bit less hassled by the sheer number of people checking in and put on his best smile.

 

“Good evening sir. How may I help you?” She greeted.

 

“Good evening to you too,” Sam replied. “I was wondering if you could help me out with something?”

 

“Of course! What can I do for you?”

 

“Well, I know it sounds silly but,” Sam gave a little laugh and tilted his head away shyly before looking at the concierge again. “My uh, my boyfriend is staying here and I decided I wanted to surprise him but I don’t know his room number. I was wondering if you could give him a ring and ask him to meet me?”

 

“Oh! That’s so sweet! What’s your boyfriend’s name?” She was typing at the keyboard now, waiting for Sam’s answer.

 

“Oh, it’s Castiel Novak. N-o-v-a-k. Could you tell him someone’s waiting for him at the hotel café? And if he asks who, just say Arwen. He’ll understand,” Sam instructed. The concierge was still typing and squinting at the screen.

 

“Okay… I have a Castiel Novak staying on floor five. I will call him and relay the message to him,” she said and smiled.

 

“Thank you so much! I can’t wait to see his face when he realizes I’m here,” Sam gushed adding to the charade. Castiel would come but he would be meeting with the wrong Winchester.

 

Sam walked to the café in the hotel and found a slightly secluded corner that was just far away enough that their conversation wouldn’t be overheard by fellow patrons. He sat with his back to the door so that Castiel wouldn’t see his face at first and pulled on a beanie to hide his long hair. That way when Castiel would spot him, it would look like Dean was wearing a beanie and waiting for him.

 

Sam had been waiting for slightly over ten minutes when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see who the hand belonged to and came face to face with the person who had repeatedly broken his brother’s heart.

 

“You’re not Dean,” Castiel said perplexed. His brows were furrowed and he pulled his hand away the moment he saw that the person in front of him was a complete stranger.

 

“No, but I’m the one who called you. We need to talk,” Sam said and stood up. Sam could be very intimidating when he wanted to, it was one of the perks of being so tall. Castiel took an involuntary step back, somewhat intimidated but then he squared his shoulders and stood his ground. The expression on his face turned into one of anger and the smile on his face was cold.

 

“I don’t have to talk to you or anyone,” said Castiel and made to walk away.

 

“You do when you hurt my brother and then turn up at the same hotel where he’s visiting family with your fuck buddy,” Sam deadpanned. Castiel looked stunned, like he’d been caught committing a murder. Sam just stood with his hands crossed over his chest, eyebrows raised and waiting for Castiel to make a move. An ephemeral look of hurt crossed Castiel’s face but he composed himself quickly and decided that there was going to be no way he was getting out of this situation.

 

“So you’re the Sam I’ve been hearing so much about. What do you want to know?” Castiel asked as he walked over to the chair opposite Sam and sat down.

 

“You can start by telling me why you lost your temper with him at your tutoring session a few weeks ago.” Sam observed every movement of the man in front of him searching for a clue that might reveal a secret that he had tried so hard to keep safe.

 

Castiel sat back, an air of confidence surrounding him but Sam could tell it was more for Castiel’s benefit than his. For the entire conversation to work in Castiel’s favor, he would have to adapt so that he could have the upper hand, except Sam had no intention of giving him any opportunity to lie.

“That was an unfortunate thing born of circumstances that transpired before. I regret that deeply and even apologized to Dean,” Castiel replied calmly. “I even went over to his dorm to tell him in person.” Castiel had widened his eyes in earnestness to perpetuate his innocence but there was no way in hell that Sam was going to believe him just because he made puppy eyes.

 

“Alright, say I believe you. Dean told me you were drunk and babbling. Didn’t he tell you that alcohol is a trigger for him? He hasn’t finished a drink in his life.” Sam waited and watched as the cogs turned in Castiel’s head.

 

Castiel’s eyes hardened marginally and he shifted in his seat, getting as comfortable as he could get. “No, he didn’t tell me that and I’ve only met him once at a party where he had a drink in his hand. There was no way I knew and he didn’t tell me either. Why is this relevant?”

 

Sam continued to study everything about Castiel, trying to find a weakness. “You told him something that night in your inebriated state. What was it?”

 

The words had a magical effect on Castiel. Everything about him turned to stone, unease clearly visible on his face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“That line is so old that it’s a complete giveaway. Anyone who says that has something to hide. What’s your secret Castiel?” Sam impressed those words further by leaning forward and crossing his arms on the edge of the table.

 

“I have no secrets,” Castiel hissed.

 

Sam smirked. He was so close to breaking Castiel that he could taste it. “Then why aren’t you telling me what you said to Dean that night?”

 

“I told you I have nothing to tell you. And this meeting is over,” said Castiel angrily and stood up from his place. Before he could leave, Sam said, “No matter how hard you try, you will slip and reveal something and that’ll be enough for me to unlock the closet hiding your dirty skeletons. I promise you I will find out what you’re hiding and tell the world what kind of person you are.”

 

Castiel stopped midway and looked over his shoulder. “Empty threats, Sam Winchester. There’s nothing to know and nothing to find out. You will soon realize that.” With that he went on his way leaving a determined Winchester in his wake.

 

“We’ll see what nothing is Novak and then I’ll bring you down,” Sam muttered under his breath. Resolute in his decision to help Dean uncover anything on Castiel, he left the café and headed back to his room hoping his brother was still asleep and wouldn’t notice his absence.

 

When he slipped back into his room, Dean was still asleep. He looked better and some color had returned to his face and Sam was glad he was feeling better. Feeling charged from the encounter with Castiel, Sam dug his phone from his pockets and found the number he was looking for. Once he’d composed the text and sent it, he decided to at least try and relax if not take a nap. He had settled in and was leaning his head back into his pillows when he heard sheets rustling from Dean’s side of the room.

 

Sam turned his head and saw Dean waking up from his nap. Dean rubbed his eyes and looked around the room, eyes spotting his brother sitting up.

 

“Had a good sleep?” Sam asked. Dean nodded and looked around searching for a pitcher or glass of water.

 

“Where’s water?” Dean asked his voice raspy.

 

“Fridge,” Sam answered. Dean got out of bed gingerly and walked over to the fridge. Luckily there were some bottles that were room temperature and he mixed cold water with it in a glass. He drank the entire glass without taking a breath and was pouring another one when he remembered what had happened at the hotel restaurant making him flinch.

 

“So it wasn’t a bad dream then?” Dean posed the question to Sam, his back to him. Dean closed his eyes and took a small sip, still grasping what he had seen at the restaurant mere hours ago.

 

“Yeah, it wasn’t a dream. I’m sorry, Dean,” Sam said apologetically.

 

Dean shook his head and pulled on a brave face for his brother. “No harm no foul.” The smile he gave his brother was tight but it was the best he could do considering. Remembering their conversation from before, a question came to Dean. “Do you think mom’ll tell me about what she’s planning after dinner?”

 

Sam considered his words before giving him an answer. “No, Dean. I don’t think she wants to tell you just yet. She’s still hopeful dad will come around once she gives him the ultimatum but I don’t think it’ll make a difference. She told me to keep this from you but I couldn’t not tell you so, just don’t bring it up yet okay? We’ll know in a few weeks how things are going to go. At least I hope that’s how things will go.”

 

Dean nodded in understanding. Of everyone in the house, he was the most sensitive, most prone to emotional imbalances or affected by instability. It hurt him in ways even he didn’t understand at times but they happened and he had to try to deal with them every time it happened. No matter where the decision would take them, he would be affected no matter what and he hoped it would happen after he graduated and not in the next few months. He wouldn’t be able to deal with what was happening with Castiel and the home situation, he’d be completely wrecked.

 

That evening, the three Winchesters shared a lovely dinner together and ended the night with the pie they had missed that afternoon. Dean was so happy it seemed as though nothing had happened leading up to the evening. Everything was jokes and laughter, love and happiness, family and bonding. Dean was over the moon and he felt so light that if it was possible, he would fly.

 

The remainder of their time spent was without incident, the boys and Mary went to the mall and shopped together, ate amazing food, shared stories, watched movies on TV in the hotel rooms together, and just had a lovely time together. It felt too soon when it was time for them to leave and for Dean to head back to college.

 

“Here Dean, these files should help your counsellor. I wish I could’ve met her but I guess students aren’t the only ones who take off during spring break,” Mary said.

 

“Thanks mom. Yeah you could always call her and have a conversation when you have the time. These will really help her in the meantime,” Dean said and tucked the files away in his bag.

 

“I miss you so much, Dean. And it was so good to see you and hear your stories about your new friends. I hope I get to see them next time,” Mary said and hugged Dean. Dean wrapped his arms around her and let the feeling of safety and warmth and love that he always got from his mother wash over him.

 

“Yeah, I will, promise,” Dean replied and held on to her tight. Deriving all the strength he could, he let his mother go and she looked at him with a fond look on her face. “My beautiful boy, you do have angels watching over you.”

 

Dean smiled at her words. It was something she said to him when he was younger and would lose hope. Those words kept him afloat more than once and with everything that had happened in his life, he truly believed that his mother’s words were true. He and Sam were blessed and angels were watching over them except for Dean, his mother was his angel and she would be the only angel he would ever need for the rest of his life.

 

The three left the hotel and Dean drove to the airport. A sadness that creeps in after a happy time settled in his limbs, he was glad that he’d got to spend time with his family but the prospect of saying goodbye was making him sad. He was sure there would be more than a few tears that would slip from his eyes when he gave them final goodbye hugs.

 

Dean rolled to a stop at the curb of the airport entrance. Mary and Sam dawdled a moment extra before opening their doors and stepping out. Dean took in a deep breath and let it out, grudgingly opening his door knowing and dreading what would be coming next.

 

Mary was the first to hug him tightly. Dean held on a moment longer and whispered in her ear, “I wish you didn’t have to go.” His breath hitched at the last syllable and a tear escaped his eye.

 

“I know you do, baby. I can’t wait to see you again either,” Mary said sniffling. She let go and Sam took her place. The brothers hugged for a long time, conveying things through their hug that they didn’t have words for. “If anything happens in the slightest, you call me,” Sam whispered to Dean. He responded with a nod and the brothers ended their hug. Dean took an extra step back and dashed away the tears on his face with his hands.

 

He cleared his throat and tried to smile at his mother and brother leaving, lifting a hand in a half-hearted wave. It would be a few months until he saw them again and he would have to try his best to not get saddened by that and instead use that time to study and graduate so that he could see them more permanently next time.

 

He waited a moment longer after he couldn’t see his family anymore and stared vacantly at the entrance doors. His heart ached with their absence and he tried to fill it with as much of the love he’d gotten from them when they were here. When the pain lessened a bit, he got into his car and drove off in the direction of his university.

 

Two days had passed since Dean had said goodbye to his family and he was still in the post-leaving depression. His friends were getting a little concerned and decided that they needed to help him have a good time.

 

Zooey was trying to catch Dean’s eye all day in the hopes to talk to him but he barely registered his surroundings except for the professor and the whiteboard. Frustrated, she threw a wadded up ball of paper at his head. Dean was so absorbed that he yipped when the paper ball hit him, involuntarily drawing attention to himself.

 

“Is there a problem Mr. Winchester?” the professor asked, slightly annoyed at the interruption.

 

“Nothing, sir. Just uh… sharp pain in the back of my neck. It’s gone now. Sorry sir,” Dean apologized and rubbed at the back of his neck to make his lie convincing.

 

“Do you need to go to the medical wing to get it checked out?”

 

“No, sir. I’m quite alright thank you.”

 

Convinced, the professor let the issue drop and went back to his teaching. Dean spotted the paper ball and picked it up. He turned around to sweep the room and saw Zooey waving at him, gesturing at him to read the note. He sent a glare her way before turning to look in front and unfurling the paper under the desk in his lap/

 

_This is an invitation to Dean Winchester, inviting him to join us on an adventure through Middle Earth tonight!_

Dean softened at the words written. Granted he hadn’t been the most sociable person as of late and was barely friendly but by the way things looked, it was probably a bit worse than he thought. His friends cared and were worried about him. For them to organize a movie marathon to cheer him up was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done besides Charlie and Kevin.

 

He turned around to catch Zooey staring at him intently, eyes wide and expectant. He gave her a big smile and a nod. The smile he got in return was huge and it warmed his heart. The people in his life loved and cared about him and it felt so amazing to finally have that privilege. _Nothing can ruin my day now_ , he thought and smiled feeling like he was filled with sunshine.

 

As the evening neared, Dean got more excited. It was tradition for him to watch all the movies a few times a year and he was more than due for a marathon. He was waiting impatiently for Kevin so that they could go together. The marathon was happening at Zooey’s apartment and Kevin didn’t know the way so Dean had offered to wait for him until he came back from class so that they could go together.

 

“Hey, I hope we’re not too late,” Kevin said as he walked in to the room. He walked around the room putting away his books and backpack and grabbing a different shirt to wear from the one he’d been wearing all day.

 

“No we’re good. Zooey said that others might be late too so we’re good on that front,” Dean answered. He had been keeping to himself a lot these past few days, unsure of how to react or interact with people.

Keeping quiet also meant that his thoughts more than once wandered to Castiel. Although he was glad he hadn’t seen him since the hotel, he did miss him. It was ridiculous and twisted on so many levels and no matter how many times he tried to convince himself that there was someone better out there who wouldn’t hurt him, his heart refused to budge from his blue eyed tutor. His curiosity was getting the better of him and he had no clue how to turn them off. His mind was a torrent of thoughts and scenarios of being loved by Castiel mixed up with ones where he was being hurt by Castiel. It was confusing and frustrating and he hated the entire mess. If only he could talk to Castiel knowing he was safe, he could confront him about the connection between them and get a definitive answer.

 

But did he want to hear what he had to say? It was one thing to desire answers, a completely different thing to hear them for yourself. What if Dean didn’t like what Castiel had to say? What if he gets more than he bargained for and gets more hurt than he could ever anticipate? This conflict occupied Dean more often than not as it was at that moment but he was saved when Kevin announced that he was ready and they could leave.

 

The journey to Zoeey’s apartment wasn’t too long and the boys hurried as fast as they could. When they arrived at their destination, they were treated to hot chocolate and pumpkin pie, both of which Dean was grateful for. His friends knew those were his two favorite things to eat while it was cold and he appreciated the gesture.

 

“Alright! Almost everyone is here. Charlie said she won’t be able to come because she has an assignment that’s due in the next twelve hours so it’ll take her all night to do it. So, shall we get on with it?” Zooey headed to her PS4 to put in the Lord of the Rings and Dean settled back and snuggled into a blanket he’d taken from one of the couches. He was a bit worried about why Charlie wasn’t coming because he knew that there was no assignment to be submitted. He’d checked her assignment submissions and they were up to date which meant she was doing something else. But what could be so important that she would forgo a-

 

The answer hit him like lightning and he grabbed his phone and opened his chat with Charlie.

 

_Dean- Did you find something already??_

Dean waited but he never got an answer. Throughout the movie he was distracted, kept checking his phone or sending new ones. He couldn’t call her and leave her a message because it would raise too many questions. Minutes turned to hours but he didn’t get a single reply from Charlie which definitely meant she was too focused on what she was doing to care about the outside world. The instances where this particular situation arose was rare which could only mean one thing- she was hacking. Charlie in hacking mode was something of a show in of itself. Her fingers sprinting across the keyboard, bypassing any and all security installed by anything or anyone, getting information she shouldn’t have or transferring money untraceably to her favorite charities, she was something to behold. It was one of the reasons why she’d gotten early job offers from top IT firms and in a record deal, had managed to convince all those offering her a job to let her consult for other companies as well, rivals or allies. It was nothing short of a miracle in both the academic and professional worlds.

 

_Dean- Charles, at least tell me it’s about him._

 

It was a last ditch effort to catch her attention but he could already imagine her seated at her desk in front of her computer, headphones on, phone in a corner, far away so that she wouldn’t get distracted. Dean gave up for the time being and tried to focus on the movie but his mind kept wandering to what Charlie might or might not uncover in her search.

 

Dean waited all night for an answer from Charlie, torn between two worlds but it was futile. He didn’t get an answer and he wasn’t able to enjoy the marathon. When it finally ended, it was only him, Zooey and Benny that were awake. The rest of their friends were asleep against various pieces of furniture and in some cases, people. Dean stood up and stretched, his spine popping satisfactorily enough to elicit a groan of relief. He was still wound up so he decided to get some coffee from the kitchen.

 

He was grabbing a mug from the cupboard when he was stopped by Benny.

 

“Brother, you haven’t done nothin’ all evening except stare at your phone or the floor or some other piece of furniture. What is going on with you? We organized this evening for you to bring you out of whatever God awful depression you’ve been in and you looked even more stressed.” Benny was upset and Dean could hear it in his voice but the question of the hour was, could he trust his friend enough to tell him what had happened at the hotel and what Charlie and he had been planning which may or may not be the reason for her absence?

 

“Look, Benny, I don’t think this is the right time to talk about it. I don’t want to drag you into my messes,” Dean started.

 

“What messes? We’re here for you, to help you with whatever. You don’t have to fight this alone.” Benny’s voice was pleading, trying to get Dean to understand he had people he could trust.

 

“Benny, even I don’t know what I’m dealing with here. It’s like walking in a dark corridor without anything that could even help you see what possible danger there might be lurking. Besides, I’m not alone in this.” Dean tried to convince Benny that his involvement was unnecessary but he wasn’t buying any of it.

 

“Whatever this is, it’s clearly got you twisted and messed up. Let me help, please. And who’s the other person involved? Is it Charlie?”

 

Dean was more than surprised at Benny’s deduction and it showed on his face which confirmed Benny’s supposition. Instead of being mad, Benny nodded.

 

“Yeah I figured. You two are thick as thieves and there’s no way she doesn’t know about what’s happening in your life. I’ve seen you guys talk, you’re like siblings and I respect that. But you can’t do this alone that’s for sure. So, will you tell me what’s going on that you’re so desperate to hide from everyone else?”

 

Dean was caught red-handed and was torn between telling him and not. Telling Benny would probably create a whole lot more worries for him than he would like and Dean still had no idea if Charlie had even found something on Castiel.

 

“You can’t tell anyone, not even Kevin. Do you swear?” Dean looked pointedly at Benny before continuing. “Okay, so, Castiel, my tutor, he has something he’s hiding. He said something to me one night when he stumbled up to my dorm drunk and apologizing for losing his temper with me but then he told me something else that may or may not be the reason he came here. He was in California for God’s sake and he moved to Colorado. Tell me that doesn’t stink of something fishy to you because it sure as hell does to me. So, Charlie and I came up with a plan to get answers to our questions. There’s no way in hell that Castiel’s going to give me any answers on his own so, we decided we’d use Charlie’s skills to get us some.”

 

Benny shook his head at him in a confused gesture. “Skills? What skills are you talking about?”

 

Dean sighed and looked at the floor. “Charlie’s a brilliant hacker. I asked her if we could use her talents to access Castiel’s past and get us what we need.”

 

Benny’s eyes were wide with surprise. “Dean, what in hell do you think you’re doing? Do you know what could happen if you got caught? He could sue you for violation of privacy or worse!”

 

“Keep your voice down! No we won’t get caught because Charlie’s the best. Benny, I need to know if I’m in danger or not. Castiel’s volatile to say the least and if, at the end of break, I don’t get a new tutor, I’m going to have to talk to him and sort things out and I would like to do that knowing what kind of hand he has so that I don’t make a wrong bet. Now, do you still want to help?” Dean had no hopes of Benny saying yes to his insane plan. This situation was delicate when he involved Charlie but now it was even more so. One wrong move, anything that could reveal that they were looking into Castiel, and everything would go straight to hell.

 

“Alright, I’m in. But I would like to see the enemy I’m getting in bed with. You got a picture or something?” Benny asked a bit fidgety. Dean understood his anxiety and didn’t say anything. Fishing his phone out, he pulled up Castiel’s contact information and the picture that was set for his contact. A small pang of something pulsed through him but he quashed that and handed the phone over to Benny.

 

“That’s him,” Dean said as he held out the phone to see. Benny took it from him cautiously, almost too cautiously, like he was seeing a ghost or something. Benny squinted at the screen, shaking his head in disbelief, his lips moving without a sound.

 

“That’s not possible. It can’t be,” Benny said. His face was still shocked and Dean was starting to get scared at the reaction he was getting.

 

“Not possible? Wh-what are you talking about Benny?” Dean kept glancing between Benny and the phone, hoping some answer would pop out of thin air and ease his curiosity.

 

“It’s him, it’s that guy,” Benny was still pretty stunned and was started to laugh a little.

 

“What guy? Benny, what’re you talking about?” Dean was in near full panic mode. He could hear the blood pumping in his veins, deafening everything around him except the little bubble that existed around Benny and him.

 

“It’s the guy that’s been following you around. Dean, Castiel’s been going wherever you are.”

 


	12. What Kind of Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. All the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very tiny update! Forgive me. I was going to extend it but I just opened up the file and decided to post whatever I had written so that you get something before the holidays. I will be restarting my other fic and be posting a christmas one shot so keep an eye out for some fluffy stuff. Hope you guys enjoy and Happy Holidays!!!!

“What do you mean following me around?” Dean was very confused and very scared. Castiel was tailing him? Why? And for what?”

 

“Yes! I’ve seen him around everywhere that we’ve been, with friends or just us two. I’d recognize those eyes and that hair anywhere. He might be wearing a baseball cap, but it’s really hard to disguise someone that looks that good.”

 

Dean frowned at Benny. “ _’Looks that good’_? What do you mean?”

 

“Well, I’m not above appreciating someone that’s good looking, regardless of gender. Castiel is definitely a good looking specimen,” Benny said with an appreciative glance at the picture on Dean’s phone. Dean rolled his eyes and took his phone back, a bit confused and a tad more worried.

 

“We need to figure out how he’s tracking me,” Dean said. This was a big revelation and an even bigger break. It could be what Charlie needed to get to Castiel.

 

“Well, the easiest would be to track your phone. And that isn’t really hard to do considering everyone has their GPS on,” Benny offered as an answer.

 

Dean felt like he’d been slapped. It all made sense now. Castiel was there wherever Dean went because he _knew_ where Dean was going to be. The hotel incident wasn’t an accident, Castiel had planned to be there and Ryan was probably his excuse.

 

“But why follow me?” Dean didn’t know he’d voiced the question out loud but it was the center that held everything together, that would lead to a spiderweb of answers. But he didn’t know if he was ready for those answers, for what he might bring to light that would be better left in the dark.

 

“I don’t know why, but I sure as hell am going to help you find an answer,” Benny answered and rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

 

“Thanks Benny,” Dean said. Benny gave him a smile and Dean left to find a corner to curl up in, more assured with another ally on his side.

 

The next morning, Dean left while his friends were surfacing and making their way to the kitchen to get coffee. Benny saw him leave and he gave him a nod as a farewell, knowing that he was headed to see whether Charlie had found anything or not. The walk from Zooey’s apartment to Charlie’s seemed to fly by, Dean too occupied with the possibilities of Charlie’s findings. It was like his whole world had come to revolve around Castiel and the dirt that they may or may not find on him. Unwittingly, Castiel Novak had become the center of Dean’s world and not in the good way.

 

The chances of this becoming an obsession for Dean were too high. The amount he thought about Castiel was already verging on unhealthy and he had no intention of becoming someone who stuck pictures of a person around in a room and had threads extending all over as connections. No, Dean was a sane person, capable of realizing the moment when his hunt for the truth became too much.

 

He was walking up the stairwell to Charlie’s apartment, having remembered to keep the key to her apartment this time so that he didn’t have to ask her to buzz him in. Standing at the door to her apartment, he realized would have his answers soon enough and the madness would either vanish completely or help him formulate a plan to use that information as leverage. _And then what? Make him do your bidding?_

The flaws in the entire operation were making themselves known in subtle ways and Dean didn’t have time to think about them yet. He needed to know above everything else and that was the only priority.

 

Dean opened the door and called across the hallway. “Charlie? Where are you?” He walked in cautiously, so that he wouldn’t startle her lest she come at him with her light saber. He walked into the living room, her entertainment center to find no Charlie there. Deciding that she was probably in her office, he walked toward one of the largest rooms in the house, Charlie’s lair. Anyone in the house during any get together, be it a party or a few friends over, were forbidden from entering the threshold to that room. Whenever she put the off-limits sign on that door, people wondered what the room could contain that required such stringent rules to be placed. Dean knew, he’d always known. He was also the only person who could enter that room without permission.

 

The room contained first edition books of Lord of the Rings, signed props from Star Wars and Star Trek, every single console she had ever owned since childhood, premiere tickets of movies she’d been invited to special screenings for, every single autograph she had collected from her heroes, swords, complete cosplay outfits, her own personal servers so that she couldn’t be detected when she was hacking, and a whole ton of other things that had awed Dean when he’d first laid eyes on them. Even now he was always reverent of everything in that room and still looked at everything with a child-like wonder.

 

“Charlie?” he said and knocked on the door. When he opened it a crack and peered inside, he found Charlie at her desk, typing furiously with her headphones on. If he made a wrong move now, he would either break Charlie’s concentration over whatever genius she was concocting or run the risk of her wrath. Choosing the most prudent option, he slipped back out into the hall and decided to wait instead. That way if she did get surprised, he hadn’t ruined whatever she was working on, Castiel related or otherwise.

 

In the meantime, he needed to think about what he was going to do about Castiel. Mrs. Cantor hadn’t sent him an email regarding any change in the tutor finding status. It worried him that he might have to go back to Castiel, now that he knew he had been followed around by him. How many places had Dean gone to assuming to be safe when Castiel probably had walked in after him and sat in a nondescript corner and watched, always watched and never approached him? How many times had Castiel been there when he’d gone grocery shopping or taken his clothes to launder?

 

His moves had been watched, monitored, followed, an unwanted eye on everything. If he’d thought his father was bad, this had been much worse. A family member you could tolerate but a stranger is eerie, someone whose intentions were shadowed and undecipherable. Dean rubbed his hands over his arms, trying to ease the discomfort he felt at his privacy being violated. He still couldn’t get over it and probably wouldn’t until he had talked to his stalker.

 

Feeling uncharacteristically brave, Dean pulled out his phone and went to his text message application. He went to Castiel’s chat and waited a moment- composing the text in his mind. When he felt it sounded impassive and apathetical, he typed it out.

 

_Dean- Hey, I’d like to speak with you regarding our current status as student and tutor. When can we meet?_

It was formal and succinct and conveyed what he wanted to say without revealing anything that could set Castiel off. Dean set his phone down and waited, his head resting against the back of the couch. A sudden weariness encompassed him and he closed his eyes, slipping into a deep sleep.

 

When he came to, he heard someone pottering around but he was still partially in dreamland. Feeling the need to sleep a little longer, he let himself slip back into sleep.

 

Dean’s whole world felt like it was shaking when he woke up next but when he opened his eyes, they landed on Charlie hovering over him with concern etched on her face.

 

“Hey there princess, you sleep well?” she asked him softly. Dean smiled and nodded, glad to see the blanket that covered him and the cushion that his head was resting on. Feeling content, he snuggled into the warmth of the soft fabric like a child.

 

“Do you want something to eat? I got us some spaghetti,” Charlie said. Dean nodded in response and watched as Charlie walked to the kitchen. He closed his eyes for a moment and then ran his hand through his hair, trying to wake himself up a little more. He was sitting up when Charlie came back with two bowls. Dean scooted up so Charlie could sit at the other end and took the bowls from her so that she could get comfortable. When she was satisfied, he handed her a bowl and she thanked him. In companionable silence they ate, until Dean remembered why he was there in the first place.

 

“You want to ask if I found something on Castiel,” Charlie said as she played with her food a bit, not looking up.

 

Dean studied her expression, it seemed grave, sad even. “Charlie, what did you find?”

 

Charlie stood up wordlessly and walked out from the living room. Dean looked after her, puzzled at her actions but they seemed clearer when she returned with a file. She took their bowls and set them on the table in front of them and sat next to him.

 

“Dean, what I’m going to share with you should not even exist. And it’s not good and I would advise you to talk to Castiel about this as well. He might be able to explain what happened better than I can because I’m a third party. And if you do talk to him about it, he might get angry, even lash out. But you’ll have to calm him down any way you can so that you can talk,” Charlie explained. Dean just looked at her with trepidation. The way she was talking was making him afraid, afraid of the knowledge she held in her hands that she had found on his behest. Dean swallowed and nodded, holding the folder gingerly as though it might bite him.

 

“Castiel James Novak was born in Boston, Massachusetts, to a lawyer father and a doctor mother. He was a single child and was impressive both academically and extracurricular wise. When the family moved to California, things started going awry.”

 

Dean’s entire being was wracked with pain, fear, pity, and disbelief. What Charlie was telling him was beyond anything he had imagined and it made sense that Castiel would hide something like that from the world. He couldn’t even fathom how he’d managed to get transferred to another college after what had happened. When she finished telling the story, Dean was reeling and reality was a faraway thought. In that moment, he was living what Castiel had and the war of emotions that was inside him. Frustrated and annoyed, he left Charlie’s apartment stumbling. Charlie called after him but he couldn’t hear her over the hurricane of thoughts, feelings, and emotions in him.

 

*

 

Charlie was screaming for Dean to come back but he kept going, deaf to her shouting. Panicked, she called Sam and told him what had happened. It had been Sam who had texted her over the weekend and given her the name of a friend who’d given her the lead she needed to get to Castiel’s past. What she got after she got access was more than she had bargained for and she’d sat on the information just shy of a week. Her conjuring up an excuse to avoid going to the movie marathon was because of that and also a personal project she’d been working on. Seeing Dean asleep on her couch had thrown her completely and it had taken her a lot to even wake him up in the first place. The entire conversation after he woke up, she had felt like a third person was speaking through her and was completely out of her control.

 

Charlie worried that Dean might do something stupid and Sam was giving her pointers on how to help find where he could’ve gone. She ran to her computer so that she could track Dean’s phone via GPS but when she checked, she saw the address was still hers. She ran frenzied to her living room and ripped the couch and area around it apart to find Dean’s phone still in her apartment. Even more frustrated and exceedingly anxious, she threw her phone across the room where the screen shattered when it hit the wall.

 

Charlie was beyond upset. Crying, she slid to the floor and curled up on herself. She screamed her lungs into the vast emptiness of her apartment and pulled at her hair, trying to get some of the pain coursing through her system out.

 

*

 

Dean stumbled street after street, no idea where his feet were taking him. It was supposed to be windy today and it was, making it even colder than it should be. He had tripped and fallen into the snow a few times which had led to him being soaked from head to toe. He’d stopped feeling his extremities long ago and it was only when he knocked into someone that he acknowledged reality around him.

 

“Hey, hey you okay there?” the stranger asked. The words were muffled and tinny in Dean’s ears, delirious from the cold that was taking root in his body.

 

“Wh-where a-am I?” Dean stuttered the question. At this point, it was difficult to tell if it was because of the cold or the emotional turmoil.

 

The person rattled off the address and hearing it made him slightly more alert. It felt strangely familiar and decided to turn left and head in that direction. His lips felt numb, his tongue a swollen, useless mass in his mouth but he trudged on, willing his intuition to do the right thing and take him to safety.

 

His feet found him walking into an apartment building that tickled the memory centers of his brain but he didn’t understand why. He kept going, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, one step at a time. His vision swam with dark spots but he kept going until he reached a door with a somewhat familiar number on it. He tried to lift his arm to knock on the door and found his whole body moving forward instead, slamming into the door and causing bright stars to dance in front of his eyes. Tired, unable to move and absolutely frozen to the bone, Dean slid to the floor and the world faded to black.


	13. Bad Moon Rising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Dean ever wake up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about being absent but I am very busy with school. I felt the urge to write again and so I am here, with my meager words. Thank you so much to everyone for sticking with this story and all the lovely messages. They mean a lot to me.

_Is he ever going to wake up?_

 

_What are the doctors saying?_

 

_How did this happen?_

 

Dean was in and out of darkness, barely a moment in reality before being pulled down again. His dreams were indecipherable to say the least. Never ending corridors, echoing footsteps, the feeling he was being followed by someone- it was always the same. Sometimes there was laughter, mirthless and sinister, and in those moments he was paralyzed with fear. 

 

He lost all thought of time and space, he couldn’t even feel himself anymore. The black became a familiar place and he wandered through the maze every moment he found himself conscious enough to realize. Reality became a distant thought and his memory faltered. He couldn’t remember if he had a family, a mother or father, brother or sister, friend or foe. That lack of knowledge made him feel more alone, like he’d lost a big part of who he was with no idea of how to get it back. The only thing he knew with certainty were the winding corridors and the echoing footsteps and the laughter that sometimes followed him around. 

 

 

**

 

“I shouldn’t have told him, I should’ve kept my mouth shut and lied,” Charlie said as a new wave of tears engulfed her. She was by Dean’s side, holding his hand. It had been three days since she’d told him about Castiel, since he’d run into a snow storm blind and in pain which had led to him getting severe hypothermia. She’d gotten a call from Castiel when she was losing her mind searching the streets for her best friend. Dean had been with him and he was taking him to the hospital. Once she’d raced over, she’d made sure to get rid off Castiel from the premises. After all, it was Castiel’s hidden past that had landed Dean in the hospital with hypothermia and very blue hands- blue enough to cause concern for the doctors and worry if he would wake up anytime soon.  Charlie hadn’t left Dean’s side, Sam had been calling every hour on the hour and she had just made sure that Mrs Winchester got some food and sleep in her. No one had slept since Dean had landed in the hospital.

 

Castiel had tried to visit Dean but he’d been stopped by Charlie and then been stopped by security and escorted out several times. He still tried though, tried to explain why he needed to see Dean and talk to Charlie but no one was in the right frame of mind to negotiate and Cas was left to argue himself to death to try to see Dean with no one paying him any heed.

 

It was close to evening and Charlie and Mrs Winchester were in deep conversation with the doctor about Dean’s recovery. It was in the middle of the conversation when he started waking up, wading through a deep dark pool and to the surface. He didn’t open his eyes, instead he listened to what they were saying. 

 

“His hands have almost returned to their normal color though they’re still colder than the usual temperature. We can’t know for sure what this might have affected in his brain until he wakes up,” the doctor said.

 

“But when will that happen? When will he come to?” Mary was pleading, it broke Dean’s heart. It felt like eons that he’d seen her face and heard her voice, eons since he’d hugged her. He decided to wait until the doctor was gone before waking up. Once he heard the doctor leave, he waited just a little bit more to make sure he could talk to his family before being taken over by medical professionals for a full check up. 

 

He heard the chairs on both sides of his bed scrape against the floor as both his mom and Charlie sat down. Dean wasn’t sure he could say anything because of how dry his mouth felt but he slowly opened his eyes and twitched his hand, which was quite an effort considering he’d had to remember how to move them.

Mary looked at the twitching hand and then looked at her son’s face. His eyes were open and alert and she couldn’t help but hug him to her. “Dean? Sweetie, how’re you feeling?” She stepped back to look into Dean’s eyes. She saw tears slip from the corners of his eyes and hugged him fiercely. A sob tore through Dean’s chest and he hugged his mother tighter. 

 

“I missed you too, I missed you too,” Mary cooed and kissed the top of Dean’s head. Slowly, Dean relaxed and let go of his mom. Wiping the tears from his eyes, a blur of red literally pounced on him. Dean wrapped his arms around the familiar small frame and hugged Charlie close to him. “You idiot do you know how much you scared me?” Dean barely made out the words in between her sobs. He rubbed her back soothingly in response and she relaxed.

 

“I’ll go get a doctor,” Mary said and left the room, leaving the two friends alone. 

 

“What happened, Charlie? I don’t exactly… remember,” Dean said as Charlie pulled out of the hug. Her face changed expression like a cloud that darts across the sun for a second before it leaves. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

 

Dean thought back to what he remembered. It was hazy but what he could make out was that he’d been at Charlie’s apartment.

 

“That’s it? That’s all you remember?” Charlie looked at him with this weird expression that caused a stir inside Dean. A tug at the back of his mind told him that it wasn’t for kicks that he’d ended up in the hospital, something big had happened. But what was that big thing?

 

“Charlie, what aren’t you telling me?” Dean’s voice was stern and Charlie was nervous, her hands were twisting the end of her t-shirt non-stop as she made her way to close the door and then to the other side of his bed where there was a jug and some water. She poured him a glass and handed it over to him. Dean accepted gratefully but wasn’t backing off for even a second. With bare minimum patience, he waited for Charlie to tell him what inspired his current position. 

 

Charlie sat down in a chair and looked at Dean. Her mouth worked without any words coming out and that started to frustrate and scare him. “Oh come on! What happened to me Charlie?”

 

Startled, Charlie looked at him with fear in her eyes but braced herself against what she was going to tell him and what he might say to her. “It was about Castiel.”

 

Dean shook his head in a _what about him_? gesture. Charlie looked at him quizzically before her face lit up. “You don’t remember? At all?”

 

Dean shook his head. Before he could utter another word, Mary returned with the doctor and nurse. While they busied themselves around Dean, he retreated into his mind to figure out what was it that Charlie was hiding. 

~

It was the same dream again, the one where he was trapped in a labyrinth of corridors. The laughter that followed him was mirthless and sinister, the footsteps in tandem with his racing heart. It felt as though no matter how far he ran, it was never far enough. Dean’s breathing was ragged as he turned a corner and tried to find a hiding spot, as good a spot as he was likely to find. There were never any doors and the windows felt fake; if he was lucky he found a desk or a large rack that he could hide behind but he was always running, just running from the laughter and the footsteps that constantly crept closer. 

 

 _“Come now, little rabbit. Aren’t you tired of playing this game?”_ The words echoed all around, coming from one place and everywhere. Sweat poured down Dean’s face as he continued on his arbitrary path to an imaginary place of safety. A dark corner loomed ahead and he ran faster, hoping the darkness would cloak and shield him from his hunter. Once he reached the spot he tried to control is ragged breathing; afraid it might somehow betray him to the hunter.

 

Moments turned to minutes, each footstep a thunderclap in the silence of the dark, until they stopped. Dean’s eyes widened; this had never happened before, this was completely new. The footsteps always chased him around until he woke up sweating and panting; they had never completely stopped before. 

 

Fear spread throughout his body like a vile disease, freezing him in his spot and urging him to run simultaneously. His eyes darted in the impenetrable black, hoping against hope for the hunter to find him so he could wake up and the nightmare could finally end. In the dead silence every movement felt amplified, his pulse ringing loudly in his ears deafening him against the silence that filled every crevice of this place. 

 

With some effort, he started regaining realization of his limbs; slowly extricating himself from the crouch he had been for what felt like eons. Cautiously, he took a step and then another. He had no idea where he was headed but he didn't stop walking. His body seized when he felt a vise like grip around him and a voice, a cold and cruel voice whisper against his neck. 

 

_“Hello, little rabbit.”_

~

 

Dean woke up panting and looked around the room only to find his door open and a silhouette standing in the light. Try as he might, he couldn’t see who was standing in the doorway; all he could tell was that the shape of the person was distinctly male. 

 

Recognition hit him like a bag full of bricks when the figure spoke. “Hello, Dean.”


End file.
